šŸ”„ You're going to hell, dude

Monkey Tennis
41

It was about 25 years ago, when I did a stint in HM Constab and they were the old chain handcuffs which i had as spare - the fixed bar had replaced them by then. Took them out - no problems - but on the way back all luggage was scanned and it was picked up. Got taking to a room with some surly German police and manhandled a bit! They detained me and it was only when one allowed some American servicemen in to translate that I managed to explain and everything was OK, but they insisted I give the handcuffs to the Stewardesses who would then return them at the end of the flight. Surpirse Surprise when they said theyā€™d never seen them. Bet some lucky Pilot was getting use out of them in a Gatwick hotel at the time!

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42

  1. Katie Hopkins

  2. Duh?

  3. The monsters from The Cabin In The Woods.

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43

  1. Louise Mensch

  2. See above as per Katie Hopkins.

  3. See above as per Katie Hopkins.

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44
  1. Whoā€™s going to hell?
  2. Why are they deserving?
  3. What should happen to them?

  1. Steve Coogan

  2. Alan Partridge

  3. His eyelids should be removed and he should be forced to watch Alpha Papa followed by ā€œhumerousā€ outtakes from Iā€™m Alan Partrdige on repeat ad infinitum.

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45

Whatā€™s up, Bob? Has Steve Coogan fingered your missus or something?

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46

I think he may still be reeling from the cancellation of Two Pints Of Lagerā€¦

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47

I am def with Btripz on this one :lou_lol:

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48

Fuck you, you subserviant welsh butler, youā€™re obviously anti-hermetic!!

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49

Just thought, probably shouldnt have upvoted that. The last time I did I got into grief and a poster buggered off!!!

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50

you will be fine SOG

Fowllyd has nowhere else to go. Probably sulking because we beat Swansea the weekend

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51

Originally posted by @pap

It has already been established that Sotonians, at least the ones that post here, arenā€™t a particularly religious bunch. If weā€™re wrong, eternal damnation may well await. While rack torture, red hot pokers and unending torment doesnā€™t sound too great, I did think of a bright side.

I mean, a hypothetically extant Hell would be a pretty broad church. We could meet celebrities, and like myself, Iā€™m sure many of them would be more entertaining in that context.

Where would you rather see Peter Mandelson, for example? On a plush couch talking bollocks to Andrew Neill, or chained to a rack and having his nipples sliced off (and sewn back on) for all eternity?

So assuming some kind of perpetual post-life punishment is in order for bad boys and girls, the questions for you are:-

  1. Whoā€™s going to hell?
  2. Why are they deserving?
  3. What should happen to them?

Sounds hard, but is actually a doddle.

e.g.

1) Danny Dyer
2) Them awful hooligan vids he does
3) Lock him up with them awful hooligans, without his minders.

Over to you, Sotonians.

Oi! Danny Dyer is actually one of our honorary Dubai Krew.

Rock Bottom, Bullfrog & everything.

Eric may remember the full story, I just recall it started with Brunch at Noon and then it was 3am closing time.

Iā€™ll be fine when I get to Heā€™ll, all those posts extolling Luciferā€™s TV documentary series.

Hmm Nuns from the Hampshire cricket thread racks on racksā€¦

52

That old lady from Eggheads ā€¦ Donā€™t be fooled by her kind smile ā€¦ Sheā€™s Satan in human form :astonished:

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53

I should really dislike her (Mensch), being a lefty twat but thereā€™s something foxy about her :blush:

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Finding someone foxy must be subjective

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Maybe Ted should start a ā€˜Is Mensch foxyā€™ poll.

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56

  1. Justin Brazier of Beechcroft Avenue, Breightmet (Google him)

  2. You choose. Either fucking dogs or wanting to fuck kids

  3. Being fucked by a dog for eternity, no, hold on, being fucked by satan for eā€¦, no hold onā€¦Dunno - how do you make someone so depraved suffer depravity for eternity? Heaven?

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Tbf, Bletch heā€™s going inside for 2 years. I think there might be some special kind of humiliation being prepared for him there.

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  1. Tony Blair
  2. Iraq, his war on civil liberties, and driving a wedge between Lou and myself.
  3. Experience every piece of harm he enabled.
59

So, he went down for two years for fucking his (pet) dog.

He wonā€™t be bending down to pick up the soap in the shower any time soon ā€¦

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Iā€™ve lost track of the thread ā€¦ Recap ā€¦ Bletch is having sex with his (pet) dog and Tony Blair has driven a wedge between Lou and Pap? :confused:

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