Donāt let anyone tell you things canāt be done. Day two if the great effort to barber me.
Gingora cut my hair and tidied up the beard.
Impossible is nothing.
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Bloody hellā¦itās all round to your place tomorrow. 
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You had less hair in the photo above, or was it just tied back??
Tied back, init.
My granddad wanted me to cut it all off. I met him halfway.
Besides, Iāve wanted Dude length hair for ages.
I must admit you look less Roy Wood with it tied backā¦
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Iām aiming for the Dude.
Unfortunately, Iām a cunt, so I end up being Walter.
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Youāre not wrong, papā¦
Actually, you lack the essential bulk for Walter. Put on some Credence and your Dude threads and youāll be on it.
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Today has seen a major tragedy here āon the farmā.
No, not the ācullingā of 5 of the Chickens who were over 5 years old and no longer producing revenue ( tasted like old boots but good for soup).
No the tragedy was far greater.
It is with great sadness I have to let you know of the passing of my stock of Cumberland Sausages.
Covid-19 ruined my plans, restock was planned for April, but simply fell by the wayside. So today was my finally Brunch. My last 2 Bangers.
Until UK drops the 14 day shit, there is no way to replace them within my budget.
We dont even have Airmail at the moment!
I will be strong, I have stocked up on Steak Burgers & Black Pudding.
I appreciate your support & prayers in these difficult times ahead
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I am sorry no sympathy from me, I have not had a pork product since March 9th when I left the Philippines to go to work.
I will not get any porky products until I get back to Philippines or the company decides to repatriate me back to UK which ever is first.
At moment Philippines is out and if I go back to UK who knows when I would get a return flight to Malaysia without a 2 week quarantine in KL and then another 2 week quarantine in Labuan (local rules).
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Phil order some casings and a cheap sausage machine and make your own
Have a great recipe recipe for Toulouse sausages and thinking about having a go at lamb and feta
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Next trip back that is the plan 
Haircut no2
The Ayatollah has obviously got her tail up after the relative success of haircut No 1
She set off at a hell of a clip judging by the amount of hair at my feet. Not sure confidence is a good thing in an amateur hairdresser
Please Boris, let the hairdressers go back to work
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Shall I do the āNo time Toulouse Philā joke or are you going to do itā¦Iād hate to steal your punchline. 
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I have a Toulouse Lautrec gag, but Iāll keep it short.
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They would still not contain any Porky things 
Due to the vessel being in Malaysian waters and 95% of the crew being Muslim pork is banned.
The last time somebody brought pork offshore he got sacked and the vessel had to be blessed by an Iman before the locals would go back to work.
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I donāt know if lockdown is contributing to this but Iām going to have to stop using Twitter for a while. Itās really depressing me. Itās either horrible stuff about oppression, police brutality and injustice or news about people being fucked by a pandemic and lying politicians. Ignorance is better. People who donāt know whatās going on in the world canāt be made miserable by it, so Iām going to try and avoid Twitter for now and maybe all social media later. That said, Iām a few gins down and who knows what will happen in half hour.
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