Ok dear.
I dunno. No-one beat them for cruelty to animalsā¦ 
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Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse are comedy genius.
Thereās another statement to check against your āapproved comedy chartā
I bought an extendable pole with micro-fibre and blade to clean my upstairs windows and gable /barge boards as I thought it would be cheaper than getting a window cleaner in. Tried it out at the weekend and ended up getting soaked in shitty water and pulled a muscle in my arm as getting the thing up to the top of the gable was like wrestling a fucking huge snake. Having seen some lads do it for a living, i thought it would be a piece of piss. How wrong I was, although iām determined not to let the bastard beat me. 
Thatās about as exciting as my life is, right now. I guess the rest of youse are bored too.
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Had our first walk ouside apart from getting swab tested in 11 days today with a military guard following two of us as we walked up and down the beach so we did not get within 6 feet of each other. I am now officially unfit.
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Oh trust me, the joy & care & prep work Iām putting into Burger night tonight - Iāve spun it out an hour so far
Chopped pickled chilli on the Gouda wafer thin sliced pickled gargantuan, Mayo to the precise mm, Jalapeno Sauce.
Micro-second timing in the Toaster for the buns.
Beer time now then the burning can commence
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YES! GET FVCKIN IN!
The Dentist has confirmed my appointment for tomorrow!!
I lost a 4 tooth bridge 10 days before lockdown been a bloody nightmare!
How Iām gonna pay for the replacement will be an issue butā¦
I took to animal cruelty like a duck to lighter fluid.
Spelling his name correctly.
E-L-M-O spells ābletch is a muppetā
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These 2 local delicacies with the pickled chilli drizzled on the cheese are just amazing.
The Jalapeno sauce is AMAZING
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Nice.
Well Iāve just splashed out Ā£10 on 4 lovely juicy burgers that Iām cooking right now. And thereās no animal flesh involved at all.
Beyond Meat burgers. Lovely flavour and the closest texture to meat Iāve found.
Donāt miss meat at all. Not me. No way.
Cunt.
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Iām starting to dislike people and despise what was once my only trip out of the house; the one over to the shop.
The worst bastards are the ones that think their face mask excuses them from social distancing.
Cunts.
Well @pap, youāve surprised us all. It wasnāt at all obvious from your recent posts that you were feeling this way ā¦
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I am feeling its to long in quarantine have been through the phone book as if its Christmas and you have to speak to the rellies when youāre pissed.
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So, tried these about a month ago, was impressed.
What I would have to say is that theyāre not a replacement for burgers outright, but theyāre nice as their own product.
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It wasnāt.
Thereās a big difference between a general disposition toward folk (generally ok) and disagreements with cunts (really not okay).
Iāll let the audience decide what that is.
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Iād also recommend the Green Cuisine burgers (Birds Eye). They taste nice and have a firmer texture than Beyond Meat - less like actual meat but stay together better in the bun.
I think the Beyond Meat burger is like a ground meat pattie whereas the Green Cuisine one is more like a formed meat burger.
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What about a good old veggie burger? Doesnāt try to pretend to be something it isnāt