The pen of my aunt is in the dining room…
My aunt who is now in the dining room owns a pen.
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On the way.
Meanwhile
Now that was dramatic, did she enter stage right??
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Uncle Ralph has ordered provisions for Waitrose Online whilst posing as an aged vulnerable to secured a Waitrose Premium Member slot on false pretenses.
Ralph my uncle and supposed Waitrose Premium Member is a cunt.
Pursued and bare.
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Lamb chops were soooooo tasty, washed down with a Medoc from my not cheap plonk stash.
Now stuffed.
I would have an early night but after a schoolboy error after lots of Vodka Saturday) found me waking up at 11am when my watch had told me it was 9am, I ain’t ready for bed.
More Vodka then
Getting increasing accounts of mates either getting furloughed or being shit-canned entirely. I’d love to be able to offer some of them a role, if only for purely self-serving reasons - some of them are fucking excellent at what they do and I reckon one of them has an ex-boss that’ll rue that decision forever. I’ve tried to poach this mush before.
The industry I serve is experiencing record demand, and could certainly benefit from new development efforts, but at the same time, is very wary about introducing anything with an operational risk, a stance I completely understand.
Hence, we are smashing our work. We have more stuff just sitting waiting to go live than we do problems ahead of us. I can’t justify another hire at the moment.
Starting to feel professional survivor’s guilt.
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Social care are still getting police reports re domestic abuse. We will still send them over for assessment too or offer support.
My hope is people will still call the police when they hear stuff from neighbours etc.
The children already on Child protection & Child in need plans are hopefully still going in to school and will speak to someone they trust.
We have to hope people will report the rest.
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So today I got to work at home and be nosey about the neighbours.
A young lad from the house that had the incredibly loud parties the other year caught my eye. They’ve put a gate in their back fence so they can use our carpark as they wish. I saw someone go in with a brand new washing machine who was a bit furtive looking about to see who was watching.
Young lad came out 4 times on his bike. Seemed to have nothing on him or brought back. I wonder what he was off to do…
In other news I heard rumours that Weed is reaching record prices per ounce.
Maybe a washing machine for an ounce may be right…
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Got to say I’ve actually been quite enjoying the change of pace. As somebody that crams far too much into a week, the simplifying and streamlining has been pretty useful, mental health-wise.
We’re very fortunate to have Riverside Park on our doorstep, which has already proved priceless with regard to the literal change of scenery. I can imagine there’ll be a shelf-life on the novelty of these things. Overall though, have been having a strangely pleasant time of it.
Then today, one week into working from home, I received a phone call to say my job is no more. And that no, they resolutely would not be furloughing me.
I’m two weeks from the end of a 6-month probation period, so there’ll be feck-all by way of a handshake.
What was supposed to be a fresh start has ended with me out on my ear, with no imminent employment prospects. Spending in my industry (web) is expendable, with so many companies cutting their online budgets that it’s essentially ceased to function.
Having run the figures today, it seems I’ll be getting little in terms of additional support. Without furlough, the focus is placed on benefits. Then, apparently our rented maisonette is too big(?!) and my partner earns just enough such that my calculated Universal Credit payment is £0.
That has a shelf life, because no matter what the government says, she can’t support both of us for long on her take home. I’ve just seen that JSA has been temporarily been raised by £20/week, but that still only raises it to the level of SSP.
To top it all off, she had emergency surgery at the start of this month, so is currently signed off work herself (‘returning’ next Monday). Thankfully her employers have a very fair sick pay policy. But I can’t see her being able to spring straight back into a full-on schedule. Quite apart from anything else, neither of us have really had chance to catch enough breath to process the emotional side of that.
So yeah, not a happy diary entry I’m afraid. March has been a perplexing, unsettling month. An absolute shitter. I know that’s the case for so many people, and hope it’s not been too indulgent to vent. I thought it’d help untangle my brain to write it all down… Jury’s out on that.
Whilst I 100% back the suppression tactics in place to combat this virus, I’ve got to wonder how long I’ll be able to last if we’re locked down on a middling-to-long-term basis. 
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Feel your pain Ant.
For now, all we can do is survive as best we can and stay positive. As I said to another mate in a similar boat, any income is something even if it’s just flogging stuff on Ebay or taking one of those high risk high stress jobs moving boxes in the supply chain.
I have friends who are doing both, it’s not enough but it buys time
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This morning I earned a gazillion brownie points.
I fixed Mrs P_F’s BFFs Chicken run.
Repaired the fence then fitted a gate.
Safe to say the Chickens were not pleased, was hilarious as they came up to the gap I’d fixed, look at it then looked at me and mouthed off.
Luckily I just finished when a blizzard hit so back home for lunch now!
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It is time. Can’t delay any longer
She is watching a You Tube training video.
See you on the other side
as long as you don’t want any “style” do it yourself, it’s easy…
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Now that my personal stylist is isolating herself in the East Wing of Slowlane Mansions I will be letting my current style grow out. My silver tresses are now spilling over my collar like sparkling clear water over a cataract, I expect by the end of our social isolation I will be not only mistaken for Roger Waters but the good lord Jesus Christ himself.
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