I know someone that has been ordered to remove his clothes from the house he shares with his missus (and pays for).
That sounds unreasonable, but Iāve seen how much the bugger spends on clothes, and have heard him moaning about looking at a nine hundred quid jacket that he no longer likes when heās skint.
Coldest day of the year and the heating has packed in. Fuck.
Finding out someone you went out with is now grandfather. I know technically I could be a grandmother but no I donāt want to be reminded of my age.
You went out with your granddad??
Originally posted by @CB-Saint
Originally posted by @Intiniki
Finding out someone you went out with is now grandfather. I know technically I could be a grandmother but no I donāt want to be reminded of my age.
You went out with your granddad??
Nooooo a grandfather. Stupid thumb n smartphone.
Fuck! Spilt a whole cup of tea over my ageing āemachines netbookā and the keyboard has walked out in disgust.
Keyboard was on the way out anywayā¦just found a replacement keyboard on EBay for just over a tenner inc. p&p.
Not quite so pissedā¦something of a result. 
People who think that parking their car with 2 wheels on the pavement, incidentally blocking the pavement for pedestrians, somehow negates the double yellow lines on the road!!
Twats at the office who park in a clearly marked reserved bay for ājust 15 minutesā and then get pissy when I park across them and disappear into a meeting for two hours.
People who block me in for two hours when Iām only there for fifteen minsā¦
Relenting by giving your nagging teenage son a smartphone on the proviso that he installs the āFind My Friendsā app so you know where he is, only to forget this when you text your better half to say you will be late home as you are in the pub with the boys, only for him to ask the next day, over breafast, what establishment āWiggleā is, which is really where you were with the boys and the little fucker sussed you out.
Luckily it didnāt happen to me, but to a mate who had to buy the wife a very expensive Christmas present to make up for it!
LOL! When i first started work, my old Boss came in ashen faced after going out to get some lunch, only to relay how heād been in town and bumped into a old lady, struggling down the street as she stooped over her shopping trolley. He then recounted how when he was 18, she was in her 40ās and one of his mumās friends. He said she was a right old dirty bag of carrots back in the day and heād lost his cherry to her and got up to all sorts of saucy antics. I think that was a sobering moment for him.
KIDS! Well young people in general who blank you when you pass themā¦maybe Iām one of those weirdos who once making eye contact will sayā¦hello.
Itās like they think older people carry the ageing virus and theyāll catch it if they say anything to you. Iāve got some bad news for themā¦we do carry the virus and youāre already infected.
Thing is, lifeintheslowlane, most of them will have played Resident Evil.
I just hope none ever visit Southport or Worthing on pension day unprepared.
It does seem weird that you can walk down an empty street and someone passes the other way and ignores you.
Is it just humans that do this?
If two camels walk across the desert and cross paths, do they nod hello, or do they put their heads down and pretend they are checking their texts?*
Iād like to think they say hello.
*Letās have no jokes about one of them taking the hump.
Stranger Danger
Two camels cross paths in the desert.
Camel 1 ā¦ āfancy a cuppaā
Camel 2 ā¦ āthat would be lovelyā
Camel 1 ā¦ āsugar ?ā
Camel 2 ā¦ āyes pleaseā
Camel 1 ā¦ āone hump or two ?ā
When you have an ongoing water leak on a conservatory roof panel.
Iāve just been out and chucked 400 litres of water at it from every angle but not a fucking drop comes in.
But I just know that the next time a sparrow pisses on there weāll have a frigging flood.
African or Eastern European
Swallow.
Players wanting to leave/handing in transfer requests.