How about when you are driving happily along the A36 and you suddenly become aware of a motorhome coming the other way on your side of the road aiming directly at youā¦not overtaking anything, just thinking they should be driving on the right and heading for a head-on collision at some pace.
One emergency stop and a lot of horn later they dive out of the way at the last minute, leaving you to enjoy the other delights of bank holiday motorists.
What is it with women rearranging furniture? The decorations are still up why does she feel the need to move sofaās around change the curtains completely empty every closet in the back room onto the floor and get the house maids to re fold it and put it back in the same cupboards?
Buying a pair of scissors or a knife that comes in one of those sealedhard plastic containers with no obvious way of opening unless you have a pair of scissors or a knife 
Mrs Ferret insists on āsavingā/recycling/reusing wraping paper,meaning the rapid diswrap tear is not allowedā¦ only for next year the paper to be wrong size or torn in the wrong place to be of any useā¦ and thus new paper to be used
Customer who feel they need to ask if they can have a cheesecake.
I am the Cumbrian Cheesecake Company, it is my businessā¦ seriously, if I said no, my business model would fail.
2 years 3 months and our Sony Bravia no longer displays a picture. Sound but no pictureā¦itās either, we listen to the TV or get it repaired. Fuck.
maybe youāve gone blind?
Originally posted by @Fatso
maybe youāve gone blind?
Pleased to report your suspicions are unfoundedā¦eyes work with our other TV.
Harry Flugleman has a keen sense of the meaning of ānothingā, as this clip shows. Heās correct within the context.
Unfortunately, that is not the case with other people, whoāll take huge liberties with the concept for trivialities.
āThereās nothing worse than getting a booty after stepping into a puddleā
Yes there fucking is. I already had about ten things in mind before you uttered such shite and youāve now inspired to think up a hundred more. Wanna explore my ideas?
āIād like nothing more than to do be your best manā
Fuck me, letās pray these fuckers never win the lottery. They would not know what to do with the winnings.
The same bastards will also say things like:-
āIt was the least I could doā
Not realising that for once, ānothingā is actually the right fucking answer!
Raaaaaargh*
*Thanks for listening.
Originally posted by @pap
Harry Flugleman has a keen sense of the meaning of ānothingā, as this clip shows. Heās correct within the context.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4yxyZtYkjc
Unfortunately, that is not the case with other people, whoāll take huge liberties with the concept for trivialities.
āThereās nothing worse than getting a booty after stepping into a puddleā
Yes there fucking is. I already had about ten things in mind before you uttered such shite and youāve now inspired to think up a hundred more. Wanna explore my ideas?
āIād like nothing more than to do be your best manā
Fuck me, letās pray these fuckers never win the lottery. They would not know what to do with the winnings.
The same bastards will also say things like:-
āIt was the least I could doā
Not realising that for once, ānothingā is actually the right fucking answer!
Raaaaaargh*
*Thanks for listening.
You donāt always mean what you say though eg:
āI would batter the shit out of that bitchesā beaver.ā
All about context, Goat.
Perfectly fine if you had a fishless plate of chips in your hand, and you happened to see your trusty female canine friend come running through the woods with a batterable beaver substitute in her jaws.
In the second episode does Alphie pick up the knife and leave the kitchen?
When you think you have a free day to slob about and play with all your loot that Santa brought, only to find out that the ayatollah has arranged for us to go out to lunch with one of her friends and their brats, but omitted to tell me or put it in the Calender.
I just discovered where all of my teeshirts are going.
Apparently āweā introduced a new drawer system - I must have missed the memoā¦and the planning meeting.
You are only talking a few tee shirts
Multiply it by the amount of kitchen utensils you own then by the amount of rooms in the house that could possibly be used to store things.
and then try to find anything.
I Guarantee you do not change housemaid as often as my mrs and the new one will always have a method for not knowing where anything is even after she put it there for safe keeping.
OCD is a little annoying 
I know how you can resolve this issue. Wash / dry / iron your own stuff and put it away. Easy. Works perfectly in our household.
Heās too busy doing his flower arranging and embroidery.
Shall I get involved in this for comic effect and perhaps be misunderstood as a miserable old git who thinks itās 1960?..maybe later, Iāll see if Goat survivesā¦