When ur at work, and realise you need toilet, and do the rapid crabwalk down the hall, turtleheading on route, and just as youāve got ur belt off & pants at halfmast, you sneeze, and evacuate ur bowels all over ur work trousers.
Itās the third time Iāve shit myself at work. Iām beginning to think Iāve got a Problem RIP.
Slipping in the shower this morning and cutting my bastard shin open.
the level crossing at ocean village - why for, the actual love of fuck, do they have to drive that train through there in the middle of the rush hour.
Trying to get a clean duvet and sheets on at midnight whilst pissed. Really should do it in the morning before going out for the day.
The Ayaytollah waiting until I have finished putting the bins out and then giving me a load of stuff āto go out as wellā
My Wife!!
What a sitcom that would make ! āThe Ayatollah and meā filled with comic misunderstandings.
My OH has tunnel vision, like most men. How can he walk upstairs, empty handed, and not take up stuff sitting on the stairs waiting to be taken up? Stuff like his new shower gel, or his shoesā¦
Bet he would say, āmy wife leaving things on the stairs for me to trip overā
a) The bastards that park outside my double gates, meaning I have to occasionally do Austin Powers style turning in my own driveway so that ms pap can get off to work.
b) The cost of drop kerbs, which would end this problem for good.
Have a word with your neighbours or is it the gangbangers of noggsy parking up in their rides?
Back when my son was young I used to drop him off at the child minder who lived in the middle of an estate. I always used to park in front of the child minderās car in front of another house who had a car parked on their front garden, no drop kerb!!
One day they came out to have a go at me about blocking them in (for the whole 1 minute I was dropping my son off) I explained to them that they had no drop kerb and there was nothing they could do about my parking. Cue a rant and threats to ram my car. My calmly an politely explaining that if they paid for drop kerbs it wouldnāt happen!!
Outcome, they never parked on their front garden again!
Iām building flat pack furniture today!
Two bedside cabinets arrived at dawn, the first one took 90 minutes.
I have eight spare dowels and quite a few screws left over, but only one bit was on the wrong way so I call that a result!
Just about to tackle the second one, I reckon I can do it in an hourā¦
An hour I will never get back.
To continue the theme of ācraphouse at workā, settling in for a nice dump and then realising the last person didnāt replace the toilet roll.
You got lucky there. Outcome could have just easily have been car driven over your head.
Iād like to think it was my calm and polite voice of reason, or could it have been they were 50 going on 60!!
I only choose battles that I can win 
I thought you were married?
Just nailed that second bit of furniture!
And when I say I nailed it, it was quicker than using those fiddly packs of screws.
Originally posted by @Rallyboy
Just nailed that second bit of furniture!
And when I say I nailed it, it was quicker than using those fiddly packs of screws.
_ āSafe as houses, nipper!ā_
Sleeping in the wet patch.