Iāve just driven out of Southampton and every twat who doesnāt normally drive is out there now armed with a fucking car.
Itās the official launch of Drive Like a Fuckwit weekend.
Be careful.
5 Likes
No difference in London. Late for a visit due to everyone out Xmas shopping.
Originally posted by @Sadoldgit
Crisis, the charity for the homeless, has reported that out of 458 people interviewed in 2016, 80% of the rough sleepers have reported being attacked or abused. This includes being urinated on, having their belongings stolen and being sexually assaulted whilst living on the streets. As if things arent bad enough for these poor souls, we share this country with an element of total assholes who see it as their job to make the lives of the homeless even worse.
I saw this too. I one stopped 2 men urinating on a homeless guy in broad daylight by the civic centre.
Did you squeeze the end of their willies?
Nope. That would be a bit weird.
Oh. Itās just that when Iāve starting pissing, itās very hard to stop. Some woman telling me stop pissing would not stop me pissing. I might even piss on her in the panic.
1 Like
We will have to disagree on this one I was once a passenger on a 747 with only 7 people + crew on in from Houston to Amsterdam. The thing is even if they put the passangers on another plane it would still have had to fly as it had to be in Amsterdam for its next flight which would have been fully booked.
This site making double postās of everything so you have to go and delete one.
This site making double postās of everything so you have to go and delete one.
Stop this FUCKIN DOUBLE POSTINGā¦Itās burning up the planet you thoughtless bastards!
1 Like
Sorry.
Sorry.
2 Likes
Dont worry,after Brexit we can send all the little furry fuckers home toSylvania or which ever new East european āhostelā they emmigrated from
Went for a long ride this morning to blow away the previous nights over indulgence and more importantly to rescue my car from the restaurant. It was lovely out there and I eventually pulled up along side my car in a great mood. Then the early morning birdsong was interrupted by a mighty roar of āfuckā as I realise that I and left my car keys of the side.
8 Likes
Nagging. As some may know, I have recently started a new job which involves a whopping nine hour day and a bit of a commute. I have to travel 15 or so miles each way. The missus works about a mile away. I get the car. Simple, eh?
Nah. Youād think she did not have legs, or that Liverpool was not adequately furnished with alternate means of transport. She claims she needs a car for her job, and could get sacked if she doesnāt have one. This is because every other Wednesday, she has to drive a cache of files from their main office to the archive, a mile up the road.
Now Iāve already spent money getting that car fixed. Itās a diesel and sheās a short journey queen. I canāt remember the last time she walked to the shop. The twice daily 15 mile hoon up and down the M62 is doing the car a world of good. The car has performed and sounded lovely this week. The missus has been running very noisily.
Every fucking conversation this week has been about cars, transport, the cost of taxis, hypothetical future plans that are now awkward. I am not stupid; Iāve dealt with enough passive aggression to spot and classify it immediately. The words, āfor fuckās sake shut up about the car!ā may have left my mouth a few times this week.
Tuesday, I get jumped by the kids. āWe think you should get mum a car for Christmasā. They spend the rest of the week sending me AutoTrader links, I transfer a sizable chunk out of my savings, ready for a purchase. New job remember, but such is the surround sound multi-generational nagging effort that Iām sat in my new job, surfing AutoTrader and looking like a feckless fucker for anyone looking.
Yesterday, I finally found three motors in the same place that were all available. I bounce off work early (pisstaker again), drive to my house and order the missus into the car with no explanation. We then drive to a dodgy part of Everton where the only building is a non-descript lock-up which looks like it might be used by professional corpse disposers. She still doesnāt know why weāre here. The fellas that run the place have agreed to open up out of hours and weāre a little early for the meet.
Just before they arrive, she Googles the business, works out they sell cars and starts crying. Three choices, a Suzuki WagonR, a BMW 1.6 3 series, or a Golf. We buy the Golf.
The silver lining is that both cars are magically cheaper to insure than one, so weāll actually make the cost of the car back in savings (really was that much). There should also be no more nagging on the subject of cars, and I am (for the next few hours) something of a hero in these parts.
That said, Iāve just proved nagging fucking works. On me, of all people. Fuck.
10 Likes
A 15 mile journey for a 9 hour job for fucks sake man I have a at least a 12.5 hour journey plus waiting time to get to work where I do a 12 hour shift and on call for the other 12 for 28 days.
Bloody light weight workers 
1 Like
Donāt you just hate it when you stop to talk to a comely wench whilst walking the dog, to get knocked into the air by said comely wenchās 2 year old whirling dervish of an overweight black Labrador.
Iām thinking shit that dogās going to kill my Cocker Spaniel if it doesnāt swerve to avoid himā¦itās built like a front row forward. Dogās friendly but very excitedā¦heās at full tilt now heading straight for meā¦heās going to swerve off at the last secondā¦isnāt he??
Then everything goes into slow-motionā¦weāre on collision courseā¦I turn side on but the dog slams into me, whipping my legs away from me. The grey-haired pensioner hits the ground for possibly the last timeā¦
āOMG! are you alrightā says the comely wench.
Iāve fallen twisting my back and onto the side of my knee. I raise myself onto a tender elbow, flex my legs and attempt to stand.
āNothing brokenā I heroically reply, hiding the damp patch on my trousersā¦wet grass I assure you.
āLuckily I was very fit in my younger days and have carried that through to todayā I reassure her.
I think she was impressed.
6 Likes
shouldnāt laugh, but youāve created a very humorous image.