God that 1st Communion was painful.
I got âstared outâ from the confines of the Church for sitting hen I should hve stood then not kneeling. Bollocks - so I sat in the car for an hour & a half. In 22C. Bollocks.
To âthe doâ Soup was 
MSG & salt overdose, followed by Pork Loin cooked at 300C for 3 days with a Wild Mushroom sauce that last saw the light of day in 1872.
Then a bowl of 1970âs Fruit Salad, Chocolate, Vanilla & Cream Ice Cream.
THEN they delivered several tons of âCold Cutsâ (OK the Pate was nice)
A 3Kg Cake and then (FFS) MORE hot overcooked food - Chicken Kiev - luckily I had done a runner by then citing bad back & heat stroke
But at the end of the day it was about the Step Niece so actually it was lucky I am a Saints fan & used to horrible days
The Cake FFS
3 Likes
Most strange.
Being contacted by a Corporate HR type (ie Headhunted but not by an agency)
Telling them yeah, I did some of that stuff but not for your type of operation, and telling them I am an old fart.
They asked for my CV Friday afternoon.
Monday morning they asked me what my notice period & salary expectations are.
Iâm like whoa waitâŚ
I mean I know there is a labour shortage and the Native English Speakers are like rocking horse shit in Europe these daysâŚ
Thing is - it is like THE most unlikely job P_F would ever get and I know everyone of my mates would just collapse with split sides. Itâs also discombobulating as I donât really want to get back into the game, I like going on holiday every week (if only there were some tourists here)âŚ
We wait with a disbelieving smirk to be able to utter the words. Yeah told him I wasnât suited to that sort of Industry
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Is it street testing incontinence briefs?
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Nope, canât give a shit. 
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Remarkable coincidence that at the same time I was dragged into attending a remote relationâs childâs Christening. I am not religious and none of my immediate family have been Christened but I am prepared to be tolerant and attend such events if others still believe in this sort of thing. Iâm convince the childâs parents arenât religious: it was just a âfunâ thing to do.
But I wasnât prepared for a âchild-friendlyâ Christening that was a surreal combination of a trendy female vicar chanting the archaic words in a way that made her sound down with the kids whilst many children ran and screamed uncontrolled through the church. At least one had to be prised from the pulpit and the font became a water play area. âDo you renounce the devil and all evil and you two, play nicely! No, donât pull her hair!â
âWe renounce the devil and STOP IT all evilâ
I struggled with the whole thing. If you are religious and want to do this, surely it should be taken seriously. The whole thing was having a good joke over going through the motions.
At least there was food (and drink but not for me as Iâd been elected driver), albeit totally comprised of pastry and other forms of carbs. Not even a tomato or lettuce leaf in sight.
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I think thereâs food product in this
I thought it came in a box as well - obvs saving the environmentâŚ
Enough healthy supplements to resurrect a cow.
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Or to keep Asthmatic Liverpool players running around
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Putting on sunscreen FFS!
Because today I am taking a group of Brits on a 3 hour walking tour of Krakow.
Itâs 27C FFS.
Think it will be more an âAirconditioned Barâ tour of Krakow tbh
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Arrived at the house midnight last night just before we turn into the gate ask the wife how many dogs at home ? Shes says 2.
Car pulls up in the carport and I can clearly see three dogs.
Get out find a stray has got in and is shagging one of the bitches but it has got a bit entangled and cant gets its cock out.
Me being ever helpful goes to assist and the bastard bit me. 
6 Likes
âŚreminds me of my courting yearsâŚhappy memories⌠
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Grammar police. Fill your boots. (Bootâs?)
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Bet itâs full of cadaverâs.
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I canât work out why they missed the apostrophe in repairâs
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Arriving home after 2 years and still only getting 8 inches at the side of the bed.
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Houseboy missed you then?
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Thereâs an air of desperation about thatâŚnay, blind panic. 
