Are you asking him, or his Mrs?
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She does when I visitā¦
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Iāll leave the key under the doormat
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Finding series 6 of Shetland on BBC iplayer, and then realising after episode 3 that its current, and I have to wait for three weeks to see the final episode!
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Youāve got it easy, I also have to share with the dog who usually waits until 3am before deciding I need my ears cleaning. 
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Went to the opticians because my contacts have been a bit blurry recently, she checks my eyes and immediately books me an appointment with the eye unit at University Hospital Bournemouth.
I have a corneal ulcer in my left eye
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That sounds nasty. Hope they can get you sorted out asap.
APCOA - the parking company.
Mrs Waylander parked at Woking station long term car park and paid the parking fee at a machine on the station concourse. A couple of weeks later a penalty charge notice drops on the mat. They have pics of the car entering the carpark and want Ā£80 because she didnāt pay. We file an appeal, showing proof of payment from the bank statement. As she couldnāt find the ticket at the time of filing the possibility existed that she did not enter the reg. number correctly. She finds the ticket. The reg number is correct. The appeal succeeds, but here is nothing that acknowledges a system error in issuing the ticket.
There are 2 lessons here:
- APCOA are cunts
- Always keep your parking tickets for at least a month.
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Just dropped someone off at Heathrow Terminal 2. Had to pay Apcoa Ā£5 on line when I got home. I was there for less than 20 seconds.
Cunts!
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Its fucking distgusting 5 quid to drive through and kick them out a moving car.
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I donāt know - Iād pay quite a bit to kick one or two people I know out of a moving car
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Can cosmetic lip surgery fuck the fuck off, or can someone at least tell these poor misguided girls that it looks like a slug has taken root on their face and theyāve decided to paint it pink?
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One of the girls crept into my side of the bed last night, before Iād gone to bed, so I decided to watch another episode of Man in the High Castle and have another snifter of whisky.
Fell asleep watching the episode so will have to watch it again.
She was still in our bed, couldnāt be arsed to move her so I slept in her bed, somehow Iāve managed to fuck my hip up.
Oh, and Iāve also got the hangover from hell, that snifter was more a schoonerā¦
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Itās November
The fvcking Hallmark Channel is under attack from Netflix to see who can release the highest number of feelgood/princess Christmas Movies
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Phwoar 
Arranging weeks ago to go up to the office in London to meet with a colleague from Glasgow to discuss team pay rises & have some supplier meetings (video) - was like herding cats.
Just got a msg heās tested positive for Covid. Iām on the bloody train and could still be in bedš¤¬
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ā¦is what your Glasgow colleague said to himself at 7am. 
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Probably 
String ordering. It used to piss me off as a barman. Someone orders a round then orders another one because a group of their queue-jumping mates have just rolled up.
Same thing happens in development. Completing two bits of work which weāve done for free for a bit of goodwill. About to deliver them. I get a ācan you justā, which is basically asking for more work.
I gave a firm no. I may also have said āthe last time I checked, we were a limited company, not a charityā. Not something Iād usually say, but the customer knew he was chancing his arm and had a giggle.
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