At my first industry conference since lockdown.
Original train to town cancelled.
All sessions overrunning- realised that these things are shite and up its own arse.
Will go snaffle some freebies and pop into the office for a bit as itâs round the corner and spend some of the afternoon in the pub before a Hawksmoor steak early doors.
When your streaming provider is off line for 2 days
Leafblower died, need a new one before the frosts trigger the big drop
Canât get on a plane or eat meat but gotta blow leaves away every dayâŚ
Two âwordsâ have recently come into my orbit
Reimagined and todayâs beaut - tablescaping (laying the table as far as I can tell)
Who comes up with this shit
sold our house in Blackfield at the end of September.
British Gas have just sent me their bill for October
Typical of them
Did you check what year though?
It can only be this year. We were with a smaller supplier that went bust and we got transferred to BG. They âtook overâ the account after the completion date. It was impossible to cancel the process because the account did not exist before the completion date.
Putting your contact lenses in the wrong eyes i.e. left in right and right in left, then realising and having to swap them around!!
Hmmm, canât see a word youâre saying. 
I canât even get my missus (who loves me supposedly) to give me an equal surface area of the bed we sleep in, and that costs nothing 
My ex-wife routinely took me to task for hogging the bed, while conveniently ignoring the fact that I only ever rolled across the damn thing because her enormous mass meant the mattress was downhill towards her side. 
Miserable cow.
I donât remember that in the marriage vows tbhâŚ
âThou shalt sleep in a space 8 inches wide and be bloody gratefulâ
What are you complaining about - I spend most nights trying to coax the Ayatollah over to my side
Donât start me on duvet rights or alleged spousal non-snoring*
*like a drunk drowning warthog
The Ayatollah is always accusing me of snoring. Personally I thinks itâs bollocks because I have never heard myself do it
I know I do - after a few bevies I even wake myself up
8ââ of space? You donât know youâre born, I need one of those things mountain climbers use to sleep on sheer rock faces attached to the side of my bed.
You get 8"?
