At least they are not littering - Id have more of a problem if they just left them there
4 Likes
Having an aging dog with some ghastly arse compliant take a shine to your feet as an place to relieve the arse compliant by using them to scratch its arse on and being told by the dog owner (in laws) that the dog is just ābeing friendlyā. Then kicking the dog up the arse when you think no-one is looking only to be rumbled and consequently inject a venomous poison into a previously tolerable relationship.
6 Likes
Iāve never got on with dogs. They seem to take instant dislike to me. I remember one time tho when I encountered a dog in the park and he ambled up to me all wagging his tail, rather than barking & baring teeth like they usually do, and he happily rubbed around my legs while I petted on him. Then he sauntered off, and I was like, how strange. A friendly dog!
Then I looked down and found heād been wiping his nose on my trousers. The ultimate insult!
4 Likes
Bearsy never getting on with dogs.
Wow, that blasts a huge hole in some of his previous stories/allegations/insinuations
2 Likes
Probably harks back to when bear baiting was common place
3 Likes
Iām cheating on my gf on sat night 
/ 
/ 
/ 
. Itās all locked in! I dunno that I should be talk bout it tho. I mean on the one hand, it makes me look Scumbag + falls short of the Preux Chevalier spirit that we constantly strive for. On the other hand my Penis is v.excitement about it. If anyone asks, Iām doing Volunteer Work For MacMillan.
5 Likes
Itās all in the remose factor:
0-3 Hey, letās get it on again (or with someone else)
4-6 Iām reasonably uncomfortable with what I have done but I will try (though probably fail) to keep it from my partner
7-10 Run to the hills and/or careful with that axe babe
1 Like
The kid in question the other night nearly got tanked.
I suggested to him, in front of his mates, that we should sort it out. The only way Iād get in trouble was if he complained to the old Bill.
I suggested that, if he beat me, he gets the kudos of being able to brag about beating an old man up.
He didnāt take me up on the offer just kept throwing insults at me
1 Like
Since when did Amazon deliveries start taking like 2 weeks? Is it cos they want me to get the PRIME thing they keep trying to sell on me?
I got prime for the trial period and itās fucking ace. I will cancel soon though. Iām not paying for stuff.
2 Likes
Careful with that. I cancelled it and then somehow restarted it. I think they sneakily got me to do that (I probably didnāt read something properly).
Prime is brilliant. I never have to go to the shops again.
Birthdays? Christmas? All sortedā¦!
When youāre playing crazy golf on the seafront of a Dorset seaside town with your very competitive wife and a seagull shits on your putting hand just as youāre taking your shot.
Thatās lucky, she said.
She was right, I thrashed her by six strokes.
YEEEESSSSSS!
Get the fuck in!!!
4 Likes
I remember playing crazy golf with the missus in a Dorset seaside town many years ago. It was located at the top of the coastal incline about 150 feet above the Promonade.
On the last hole I played there was a tunnel approach to the green. I thought Iād give it some extra wellie to ensure a smooth transition to the green. Unfortunately I hit the tunnel surround and the ball whizzed back past my left ear landing on the Prom 150 feet below at first bounce. It then proceeded to threaten a young family, a lady in a wheelchair and a small dog before continuing along The Cob terrorising The French Lieutenantās Woman, finally ploping into the muddy harbour.
After my wife regained he composure I was informed I had forfiet the game. 
True Story.
5 Likes
When you dye your wifeās hair (mahogany) and when you take off the protective gloves you realise there were a couple of holes.
Iāve now got a.mahogony middle digit and a mahogany pinkie nail.
Mrs Bletch however has mahogany hair.
Slowlane will have something to say about that 
That would make her Mummy Woodentopā¦
2 Likes
Beltch:
āā¦Iāve now got a.mahogony middle digit and a mahogany pinkie nail.ā
Sub standard loo roll?
2 Likes
Donāt blame it on āholesāā¦you know the ones that donāt exist. Itās the lack of a piece of glove.
At 9am today our five month building project started and I expected complications and stress, but I didnāt expect hassle before they even got hereā¦
At one minute to nine, one of the neighbours picked a fucking argument with the builders as they parked up!
Itās gonna be a long winterā¦
2 Likes