Ffs 
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Dare you to post the vid that goes before this….
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Went to Brook v Khan on Saturday night, what a fight!! I’m trying to arrange a rematch.
The bloke’s up for it, but I haven’t heard back from Foden’s mum yet.
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My local is having a Meatloaf tribute after closing time, if anyone’s interested.
Midnight at the Fox and Hounds.
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I would like to formally announce that I now identify as a woman and henceforth wish to be addressed as Gladys.
I don’t think they’re likely to re-introduce conscription, but better safe than sorry.
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Given the average age of the membership we’d all end up in Walmington-on-sea’s home guard anyway.
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I’m sharpening up a few bits of flint as we speak. 
I glanced into my teenage son’s room and saw him staring at his monitor and wanking furiously.
The lizard was just staring back at him.
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P & O are using a new type of ferry.
Roll On and Fuck Off.
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Just read a TripAdvisor review on the Grammy Awards.
“Deeply disappointing, not what I’d hoped for at all.”
W. Rooney, Cheshire
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A man walks out onto the street in the pouring rain and stops a taxi that was just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing, you’re just like Frank”.
Passenger: “Who?”
Cabbie: “Frank Feldman… he was a guy who did everything right all the time. Like me coming along when you needed a cab, he was always in the right place at the right time. Things like that happened to Frank Feldman every single time”.
Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody”
Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete, he could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros.He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy, perfect in every way.”
Passenger: “Sounds like he was something special”.
Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. And he could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right, he never made a mistake, he was perfect.”
Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.”
Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He was the best lover, and could take his wife to the top of the mountain. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong. His clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished, you could see your face in them. He was the perfect man. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
Passenger: “Wow. What an amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”
Cabbie: “Well… I never actually met Frank, I just married his fucking widow”.
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Fraser Forster called up for Engkand
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Haaahahahahaa!! That’s a cracker, but lacks the credibility to class as really funny. There has to be a sense of believability.
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I was a bit shaken up today - I’m OK now, but it was pretty traumatic.
For those of you that aren’t aware, I was robbed at Asda petrol station this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money is gone however.
The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them,
“Yes, it was pump number 2.”
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Saw that on LinkedIn earlier today - the new Facebook these days 
I called Jewsons earlier and ordered 30 tons of sand to my place.
The bloke said “Christ, are you building a hotel??”
I said “no, I’ve just won a camel in a raffle.”
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