Day 1 of getting our country back and the weather is still shit. Pah!
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Our central heating is still fucked.
I blame Brexit. 
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I feel you pain…Ladyslowlane and myself have been outputting so much shit this Christmas we blocked one of the lavvies in the central Manor House.
Called the Drainage man and he arrived this morning with his camera and shoved it where the sun don’t shine.
“Ah there we have the constriction” he said, “about a yard up yer large intestine”
A quick one/two with a 4" plunger and everything back to normal.
Such a relief. 
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The Aftermath Diary - Day 1 - Update one
Shit is getting REAL. The Independent has weighed in with all the things that we will lose as of TODAY.
Which will you miss the most?
- The right to live and work in European Union
- It won’t be so easy to travel to the EU either
- The ability to take part in Erasmus
- The right to not be charged loads for mobile roaming
- Being able to set off on a spontaneous road-trip across the EU
- The ability to vote and stand as a candidate in European Parliament elections
- The right to free trade within the EU for your business
0 voters
As so many Remainers told us, the poor will be hit hardest 
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Electric Pulse fishing banned in UK waters as of today
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Lol.
Expats in Spain having their Sky accounts automatically closed/Geo-blocked as Sky App no longer works “abroad”
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The Aftermath Diary by Paul plasticine penguin, height 4’6’’
Day 2
I am even more miffed today as we are now two days in an not £1 of the promised extra 335m per week has been given to the NHS. Also not one new manufacturing plant has opened. Perhaps more importantly, not even one food bank has closed, nor has there been any reduction in Child poverty levels.
Have not seen any price reductions on food either. I am expecting these to be significant to help out the poor people, but I am struggling with the maths when we already produce 55% which won’t get any cheaper, and imports from EU will get more expensive what with extra transport time and admin costs… I hope we can bring in more from further afield, fuck the carbon footprint. Maybe we produce more ourselves, but might mean we have less choice given our climate. But who wants citrus fruit anyway and only middle class knobs eat fruit and veg
Worse still, they promised the streets would be paved with Iron pyrite and yet they still seem paved in shit
At least we have been able to give those nasty middle classes a kicking, what with making it more complicated to travel, live and work abroad- after all we don’t want to encourage our poor kids to aspire to leave their shit estates and discover new opportunities Wherever their talents are wanted…
I did manage to wipe my arse today without smearing shit on my bollocks though, so that cheered me up
Best continue practicing the comedy gold if I want to be the new Bill Hicks when I grow up
Oh dear. 
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About as funny troll as Paps so you’re welcome
One of the prerequisites for diary writing is writing.
I’ll show you how it’s done so that people don’t die from boredom mid paragraph in a bit.
Hahaha . Please do, we need more of your comedy genius.
The Aftermath Diary - Day Two
I was woken up by Gingora this morning. She was elated, because the dog, recovering from a recent stroke, was alert and playful. I checked and could see that superficially, that was true. I agreed with the missus, but couldn’t look her in the eye while saying it.
Now while some, including registered vets, would likely attribute this new found spring in her step to a slow and steady recovery from the stroke, I know the truth.
The dog is elated over exiting the transition period. It’s a little known fact, but all pets in the country had their own referendum and she voted out.
The “Let The Dogs Out” campaign was particularly well run, operating a simple three word slogan in the style of Dom Cummings.
“Woof woof woof”.
This proved to be a stronger message than the Remain argument, a simple “woof woof”.
The dog also read something on the side of a lead which said we send 500m tonnes of Winalot to Europe every week, and that we should keep it here instead.
The dog thinks she has valid reasons, and the rest of the family just see a beloved household pet in the twilight of her years.
Thing is, I’ve read the arguments of the Remainers, y’know, the ones that gave Boris his majority.
All I see is a bigoted racist little cunt.
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Refurendum, surely.
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Well it is writing I suppose, but is a bit of a dog turd on the bottom of your slipper…
Plenty of Brexiter Tory MPs hailing this as an example of the UK throwing off the shackles of the EU. Some examples:
Tory MP David Jones - “A good example of the environmental, conservation and welfare improvements we can make after leaving the EU”
Brexiter former MEP Martin Daubney - “A superb early win for the UK, as pulse fishing is banned from British waters the very minute we left the EU”.
Plenty more in that vein. All obviously choreographed and timed for January 1st for maximum effect.
But hang on a minute, what’s this? France banned pulse fishing in their waters 18 months ago, just a few months after the EU reached a deal enabling member states to immediately ban the practice within their coastal waters if they so wished. So the UK is lagging behind France in banning pulse fishing, and we could have banned it whilst still in the EU! But, of course never let facts get in the way of an opportunity for some good old anti-EU propaganda coupled with an example of a non existent ‘glorious victory’, even though we end up looking really stupid, with the rest of Europe pointing at us and slapping their thighs, laughing at our desperation to clutch at anything we can. Oh deary deary me!
Sadly, such desperation manifests itself as extreme gullibility on the part of Leave supporters, it’s like taking candy from a baby, even for third rate grifters like Johnson, Gove and the rest of them.
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Well, I look forward to one of two things.
- Your glittering reply
- Your tacit recognition, whether through dismissive shit like this, or your own silence, that once again, you’ve been fucking buried by a scumbag from a council estate.
Either works for me.
You can’t write that on here NK. Only positivity about the new Independent Ik is allowed, only piss poor satire at expense of remained project doom and fear is welcomed, because Brexiteers are so prescient.
To point out the chest thumping bullshit of our politicians and their supporters, or offer up an equally valid counter satire on the lack of real progress frowned upon by pap and his little elf…
Hahaha, You lack so much self awareness you can’t even see when you display your shoulder chips - it’s classic pap… You got well and truly owned on the old Labour thread (Apology awaited) you ducked out quickly there… then on here you do more classic pap… ignore anything that is actually posted, by trying to divert the conversation back to ‘all Brexit voters are racist cunts’ which was not part of any of the previous posts (I should not have to point out for the 100th time that all anyone has said in this is that racist cunts voted Brexit, not that all who voted Brexit are racist cunts)
So tell me ‘council boy’ how have I been owned exactly by your dog allegory? Which was shit by the way?
I didn’t say owned.
I said buried.
Now let’s see your brilliant reply. Get those creative juices flowing or stay in your fucking hole.
Nooooooo!
Ffs boys.
Beef Thread
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