Genius - good fart joke is always a winner 
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It was well received by those of us watching live
He the "gave his trashâ to a cute chickâŠ
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Unless I was momentarily hallucinating, Iâm sure Greg Wallace just said he was eating mullet eggs wrapped in bees wax. 
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Itâs probably the latest âgastrointestinalâ thing -
I refuse to be told what good food is by a Greengrocer
Heston Blumenthal will now try to make
a gastronomic thing and charge a fuckton of cash for the privilege 
Thatâs unfortunate, thatâs what I usually use for my bikini line.
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SOTONIANS EXCLUSUVE!
Archive tape has been recovered from BBC of @lifeintheslowlane at work!
Damn the Beeb used to have such high standard
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Actually this was at the end of a VERY heavy day donchaknow. I have made something of a lasting reputation of this incident and my friends of âPublic Service Broadcastingâ have made a jolly good pop song about itâŠ
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ICYMI.
THE highlight from Eurovision
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Wasnât sure whether to post this on Life Milestones or here, but itâs earth-shattering news either way!! 
My niece has been researching out family tree and itâs now official. I am royal.
My great (x22) grandfather was indeed Edward I.
Not sure yet whether to title myself âYour Majestyâ or the humbler âYour Royal Highnessâ 
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And you are therefore related to Prince Andrew 
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And Danny Dyer
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Oh shit.
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No sweat.
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Well can I temper my congratulations with the sobering thought that your heredity ennoblement carries very little weight in the real world. Certainly not with me.
On the other hand, mine own and Lady Slowlaneâs titles were hard earned on the Lolly-pop school crossings of Hampshire.
I do hope youâve not used your royal connections to secure your future Mayorâs chain.
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As if.
And Iâm a little overwhelmed today to learn that I am in fact doubly royal: descended differently by two lines.
Not surprising as they all inter marry.
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