Bletch is still new in his butlering job, but has already taken a firm line on introductions that I think we can all respect. A relatively verbose introduction is key, even if an assessment has to be made without facts or fear of the legal system. Besides, I can see it coming in handy, just as it has here, as a sort of icebreaker situation.
“Hey Bletch, you bastard! I’m not a fucking swan murderer! Where do you get this shit?”
And so on.
We believe the benefits outweigh the potential pitfalls.
Prescient is, as prescient does, Sir.
I understand that you feel unable to admit to the sleepy-sleepy-bye-byes buisness, Iniquitas.
Mum’s the word!
*
Except, and this is a little delicate, Sir. Except, it might be that in a few months, His papship might need to have certain posters go for _the longest nap. *. _
Could we perhaps obtain a bulk rate at the “B&B”?
Welcome, and please feel free to share lots of stories of your history with Lord pap.
We’ve all winced at some of the things he is prepared to share, so we’d love to hear some of his secrets.
Bletch - Butler at pap Palace.
* - I really must apologise for the quality of our emoticons. I have raised the subject with his Lordship a number of times, but it appears he has other priorities. I was aiming for a winky symbol, but all I could find is the after gentleman from the FAST public information commercials.
Originally posted by @saintbletch
* - I really must apologise for the quality of our emoticons. I have raised the subject with his Lordship a number of times, but it appears he has other priorities. I was aiming for a winky symbol, but all I could find is the after gentleman from the FAST public information commercials.
I really do think this needs to go up Pap’s priority list. I’ve resorted to old school smilies rather than have that gormless face staring back at me! 
If the work required means Pap has to post less frequently, I’m happy with that sacrifice.
It has been politely suggested that I should stop by this thread and acknowledge that I have been welcomed to the forum. I decline to do so.
[Bletch gently raps the tines of a sterling silver fork against a Lidl 1/3 pint tumbler (plastic), and waits for silence to fall]
Ladies, Gentlemen, those in transition between the two, and Toke, please be upstanding and raise a glass to our newest member - lifeintheslowlane.
Before I more fully introduce lifeintheslowlane, I have to explain that I haven’t always buttled. In a previous life I had staff that waited on me, and I even used to make my own postings on Steveweb.
From time to time, I would have need to enter into private conversations with other posters on matters of high import, such as when Masterbates sent me specialist arthouse photographs, or when Toke sent me Octoporn or when some drunken muso wanted to discuss a shared musical interest.
lifeintheslowlane was one such drunken muso. He would listen to my love for the Decemberists, whilst I would listen to his very interesting connections to The Calexico royal family. And, as I think I left Steveweb owing him a reply to his last private message, I for one am pleased to see his life-raft pull out of the slow lane and slide up the slip road to our brave new world.
lifeintheslowlane is member #70, and will be staying in room 11010101 on the fouth floor. During his stay, he will have complimentary access to the mini-bar as well as my massive Decemberists’ collection.
Bletch - Butler at pap Palace
What a coup! Welcome lifeintheslowlane! I was hoping you would find your way over here buddy!
I wonder if we’ll sometimes get bros join who is complete strangers i.e. coming in off the street i.e. if you type in Southampton Football Forum into googles do you get offered to join sotonians now?
Edit: No, you do not
Edit2: Do you think i should maybe i.e. telephone googles and let them know bout how we don’t post on saintsweb anymore so prob they should be telling ppl bout i.e. sotonians instead?
I can’t even find this place on my phone bear, I have to go to twitter, the link pap sent and then I am here. I think he made have put it on the gray internet (where the peados are) by accident.
Thanks for the welcome Bearsy…your reputation preceeds you…as for the other two I have no idea who they are. 
Not sure I like being member # 70 as I still have a few years to go before I get there…fingers crossed. I do hope however, to be able to add a misplaced mature tone to the preceedings.
Thanks for the welcome : 
oh soz i didn’t welcome you really but i.e. welcome!
OMG cue another Bletch breakdown…
BTW Bletch, what is my room number please, I’ve been wandering the floors and halls for ages and still haven’t found it…
It’s because lifeintheslowlane is a senile old bastard!
ISN’T THAT RIGHT, LIFEINTHESLOWLANE?
IT’S BLETCH HERE, NOT BEARSY!
It’s OK you can get away with anything as long as you don’t post it in upper case - at his age, he can’t hear lower case - and italics sounds like a dog whistle to him. He’s been to too many concerts.
A NICE CUP OF COCOA LIFEINTHESLOWLANE?
I’m afraid that you weren’t actually welcome(d) Big Bad Bob, so you never officially got a room number. But you can go in 10001101 on the 3rd floor. Just down the corridor from the KRG and captaintim.
Acutally, when you get up there, could you knock on captaintim’s door (room 10010101) just to check that he’s OK. I saw Iniquitas prowling the 3rd floor, so as we have never heard from captaintim, I’m concerned that he’s having the sort of snooze that makes the news.
Would you believe that I’m so anal that I keep a spreadsheet of all the room numbers I’ve allocated. I’ve even got a scale model of pap Palace so I can see who overlooks who. True story. Test me.
Thanks B3.
x
I’m voting up any Decemberists references. Apart from ones that say they’re shit, obviously.
As you hadn’t morphed into Jeeves when I joined, there was no-one at reception at that time. I have been kipping in the scullery ever since. At least it’s kept the mice away.
Count yourself lucky to have a scullery
… I’m in the doghouse 
This is obviously a glaring oversight; possibly a result of bletch not taking stock of the house before embarking on his butlering duties. I can only apologise, especially as I know that bletch is doing real life stuff and will probably be unable to deal with this backlog in a timely manner.
Anyone not already assigned to a room is welcome to a berth in the bunker. It’s really the nerve centre of the operation, shielded against nuclear attack, enough alcohol supplies to keep a whole town imbibed for the next decade, and of course, the latest and greatest in communications equipment. The allocations confer a certain amount of responsibility. The bunker is also home to the armoury, stocked to the brim with bladed weapons (actually, it’s just common kitchen cutlery) in antipication of a Sarnia-based attack.
In something of a reverse of US psychological warfare in Central America, we play decent music here at all times to ensure the right people are kept out.
Will there be parlour games and prescription drugs?
The bunker sits in disputed territory. While on British soil, the Reptons, the lizards that live in the bowels of the hollowed Earth, say it is a historical sun-tanning location, despite having no natural light and being 200 metres underground. The upshot is that it’s the underground equivalent of international waters.
Parlour games, prescription - hell, even recreational drugs are all possibilities here. As is an invasion of ancient lizard people seeking to reclaim their birthright. Swings and roundabouts, innit?
Great work this week, people. I feel renewed.
Some more Sotonians signage
