Welcome to our newest members

These introductions are getting creepier, bletch. Excellent work, sir.

Dare I say that our chat on Twitter was the inspiration, Your papship?

Uhm… Poor showing on the welcome new member front… there I was expecting the appropriate creepy slating (including speculative assessment of my posible previous SWF monicker), and yet like a fallen Hollywood idol, being ignored is worse than than any possible ‘welcome’ the butler could impose… good job I did not have to part with a fiver… Not only do I have 2 cracked ribs, but now a broken heart… I weep.

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papster, the new ignore function is working well.

I put that complete twat Cracked Rib on ignore, and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of her since.

The reason for the ignore? Crimes against grammar!

I heard that she had two cracked ribs, but called herself Cracked Rib (singular).

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Yeah, the butlering around these parts has been lax. I find that shame is the only appropriate motivator, just as it was with me with #slowgate and #logingate.

I don’t pay them a grand a week to sit around doing fuck all.*

*No, honestly. I don’t pay them any money, let alone a fucking grand.

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Originally posted by @saintbletch

papster, the new ignore function is working well.

I put that complete twat Cracked Rib on ignore, and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of her since.

The reason for the ignore? Crimes against grammar!

I heard that she had two cracked ribs, but called herself Cracked Rib (singular).

You sir, are presumptive… indeed I do have two cracked ribs right now, however, only one is participtating in your social experiment. One rib is sufficient in this case.

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Begging your pardon, Your papship, but I’m afraid that both Mr Bletch and I have been a bit indisposed of late. Mr Bletch told me recently that he hadn’t been feeling himself at all, and he asked Miss Louise to come to his room to see if she could help in any way. After that Mr Bletch stayed in his room for a long time - several days it was - and when he came out he didn’t look very well at all. He was walking with a stick, I do recall. I asked Miss Louise what had happened, but she just smiled and took a pair of nutcrackers from her handbag. Perhaps they were practising ballet and Mr Bletch had a bit of a fall, I really don’t know.

Anyway, Your papship, you are quite right - as you always are, of course. I really should do some welcoming, especially now that Mr Cacked Rib has mentioned it. My only problem is that I don’t know quite what term of address to use - should I call him Mr Cacked Rib, or just Mr Rib? I remember I had such difficulties when that nice Mr Sir Henry Rawlinson was staying with us - Mr Bletch said to call him Sir Henry, but that meant using his first name and seemed too familiar. But I couldn’t call him Mr Rawlinson because he’s a Sir and everything, so in the end I just said Mr SIr Rawlinson and that seemed to work. I think I’ll stick with Mr Cacked Rib, as it feels right.

So, Mr Cacked Rib, I’d like to extend a very warm hand of welcome to you, and I hope you will take it firmly. I’m not sure which room I should put you in right now, so I’ll consult with Mr Bletch and let you know. I do hope you enjoy your time at Pap Towers Mr Cacked Rib - it’s a lovely place to be and everyone’s always really kind and nice. Especially His papship, Mr Bletch and Miss Louise.

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Ummm, the Ur-Butler was referring to @Cracked Rib as a she, maybe you are being presumptive and assuming that the Ur-Butler is indeed wrong! Shame on you sir for even suggesting such a thing, shame, ring ring, shame, ring ring, shame, ring ring

Begging your pardon, Mr BTripz sir, but I’m sure I saw Mr Cacked Rib refer to himself as a gentleman in another thread. If I’m wrong and he should really be Miss Cacked Rib or Mrs Cacked Rib or perhaps even Ms Cacked Rib then I really am most truly sorry.

If so, I think that Mr Bletch should really do the welcoming, as I’m not very good at talking to ladies, but I know that Mr Bletch takes great pride in hi stalking skills.

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At last the recognition, so deserved. Thank you Mr Fowllyd. You may address me as Cracked, Mr Rib, or anything that pleases - it is my mission to spread happiness in such simple ways to all those in need. Indeed, if Bletch (it is customary to address the ‘staff’ by their surnames) wants to to think of me as a ‘lady’, he is welcome to do so - afterall, if it provides a modicum of pleasure to help pass the days whilst licking the windows of the institution, then my work is done.

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Oh heavens Mr RIb sir, I don’t think you need to call me Mr Fowllyd. It might give me ideas above my lowly station, and Mr Bletch would be very cross if that happened. I really don’t like it when Mr Bletch gets cross.

I’m very happy that I know what I should call you though, Mr Cacked sir.

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She’s only called herself Cracked Rib because she thinks it’s funny.

In that respect, you could say that she’s Ribbed for pleasure.

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What wit Lady Bletch. I am in danger of damaging additional costae verae as my sides are likely to be splitting…and unlike the great Sir Edmund, I am not wearing any structural under garment

Aherm…

If guests of His papship would kindly lend me their ears, I have an important announcement.

I am not often given to hyperbole, but in my role as Butler at pap Palace I think I can safely say that never before have we had such a scalp from The Other Place.

His papship has obviously been working wonders behind the scenes to negotiate an exchange with The Man and I can now exclusively reveal that JusticeMike has been traded for Furball in a game of high-stakes forum-canasta (just like when I had 3 Colin Todds and Gary Sinclair traded me Kevin Keegan).

His papship still has friendly eyes over in the Other Place and he has given me permission to share with you a recently smuggled image from “The Lounge” (as it is known).

It is claimed to show the last moments of the sensitive negotiations that saw Justice Mike handed over at Checkpoint Steve earlier today - for a small mountain of fivers.

I’m sure you’ll join me in welcoming the nicest man in moderation (after me), the most lenient lawmaker, the softest-touch, the mod with the least backbone, the most forgiving forum fucker this side of TUI…ladies and gentlefolk, I give you JusticeMike.

https://vine.co/v/bI77Mr3MYp1

JusticeMike has been given Furball’s old room.

Bletch Head Butler at pap Palace.

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OFFICIAL APOLOGY

His papship’s lawyers (Holland and Holland and Lamont Dozier) have been contacted overnight by a rather angry member of Sotonians.com.

For legal reason I am unable to name the complainant, but it appears that Spudders would like his role in JusticeMike’s sign-up recognised.

As a humble servant I am happy to recognise Spudders and his Facebook account

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I will probably do something for Spudders. I may come out of comic book retirement. People have been clamouring for more ever since my epic Batman run concluded :slight_smile:

I’m not here for the recognition, but merely the brokerage fee that should be associated with such hard behind the scenes works of wonder!!

Well, I can only pay in points. Sotonians runs as a community service; it makes no money. However, your exploits are interesting. I am prepared to craft a 100 point badge to be bestowed upon anyone that snares a wanted poster.

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Yeah? Where are my points for bringing the bear in(twice)?

Edit: sorry pap, just re read it and notice you mentioned ‘wanted’ posters pls ignore.

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Or is that minus points? If minus points, take it off his total