That’s a shit welcome Lou.
Truth be told I signed up because I saw there was a beef medal up for grabs, and I thought I might be able to work you into a angry lather, thereby winning said medal. Love you
Sorry, Plastic. 
But you did say it! You actually did say that, and I’m not making it up!
xx
It is getting busy in here, but I am doing my normal mass posting, then I will be back in a month to catch up!
I don’t recall this at all. Think you may have confused me with Jeff.
There was a great thread about hot World Cup girls on TMS! Plenty of sexy types in that one!
How am I a high earner? A handful,of posts yesterday none of which I can find or recall other.
what is going on?
I think you get points for joining as I have said nothing of note and am 4th highest earner.
Sometimes a few posts, can turn into 162 quite easily!
I need to join again, I cannot even make the table…
Nope, it was a personal insult for which I have never forgiven you. That, and introducing me to TMS, and ruining my life in the process. Thanks!! 
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Now we have Rallyboy on board, does this mean we need to start something about our neighbours?
The PMS Thread or something
(poopey Match Statistics ffs Lou before you go all downvoting on me!)
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Badges, Whelk, badges!
Papsweb has awarded you badges, and what do badges make?
That’s right, points! Lots of them.
Click ‘Badges’ in top right corner of screen, and it will all become clear
… or it might not.
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Ladies and gentlemen of pap Palace I have failed you.
I was out of circulation over the weekend, and many of you arrived with your bags and were simply shown to a caravan in the grounds and given the wireless network details. A reminder:
SSID: thefbiarewatchingyou
PASSWD: julianassange
This was inappropriate, and was not worthy of the risk you each took in defecting from the other side of the high-wicking nylon curtain.
I am now in the process of collating your user numbers and asking a rather recalcitrant Louise to clean your rooms, so that you can move from being the trailer park trash you currently are, into fully embedded members of papsweb.com, suckling at the teat of His papship.
My head is bowed, and my tantō rests in my palm waiting to be pushed into my stomach if any one of you feels that my apology is insufficient.
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Please welcome a pristine posse of posters, paying paean praise to the proselytising prophet of pap Palace.
Bletch is back in the game!
Eherm.
Residents, it’s been a busy week at sotonians.com with 21 new members signed-up. I understand that some new members are currently experience VISA-application difficulties - I assure you that His papship is doing everything he can to ensure that they get their credit cards as soon as possible.
So, in no particular order - other than an order that will placate those guests that have bitched and moaned most about not receiving welcomes…
First on the Bletch bitch-and-moan-ometer is Whelk. Please welcome him to our tiny and statistically insignificant forum. He joins us with an enviable reputation as a complete and utter penny slot, and for moaning about not receiving official welcomes. I note with interest Mr. Whelk, that not only did you moan about the lack of a welcome in this place, but you also chased my alter-ego on the other place too. If I may be so bold, that’s world class cunt-being.
[Bletch looks furtively and talks to the back of his hand]
Sotonians, while Mr. Whelk isn’t listening, I would like to ask that other visitors at pap Palace keep an eye on him. Due to his declaration of undying love for a certain CB Fry of the other place, if anyone sees him knocking on the door of room 1110, please bring this to the attention of the serving staff.
For those that haven’t seen him, Mr Whelk gets his name from the unfortunate shape and appearance of his nose, which resembles the clitoral hood. Mr. Whelk can be found in room 1111 with the plastic toothbrush beaker from the bathroom wedged between his neighbour’s wall and his own ear, whilst thrumming out a passable air-guitar rendition of Hairway to Steven on his penile stratocaster. Whelk is member #79.
A warm Sotonians’ welcome also goes out to The Kraken , a real heavyweight of Saints forums old and new, and someone who came second on the bitch-and-moan-ometer. The name Kraken strikes fear into sailors’ hearts everywhere. Not, as some would think because he is renowned for overwhelming vessels and dragging them to the bottom of the sea, but because when they reach port and go looking for a good time, they often find The Kraken standing on the docks wearing nothing, but a beguiling smile.
Legend has it that Krakens in general are amazing lovers. This has led to many incidents of octo- and mollusc-porn being posted in previous iterations of Saints’ forums. Please, please, please, if you see such examples, report them to His papship who will take appropriate measures.
To enable you to recognise an obscene example of such filth, I have taken the liberty of sharing an obscene example of such filth, below.
* Artists impression.
** Not actual size.
*** The Kraken is cunningly positioned on the right.
**** Many thanks to Tokyo-Saint for granting permission to use this piece from his personal collection.
The Kraken, I have placed you in room 1001000 on the second floor which has the deepest bath in pap Palace. You are next to PJ Hooper who works unusual hours as a crime fighter. If you can hear him cleaning his weapon at night through the walls, please let me know and I will arrange for you to be moved. The Kraken is member #76
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Bletch I said you could use a pic, not a family portrait!
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Your papship, I’ve just moved a gentlemen by the name of 70s mike into room 10010111, he was poster number 88 to sign-up to stay in your father’s house. His Austin Allegro is broken down in the drive, but not to worry as he has phoned the Royal Automobile Club to come and fix/scrap it.
I’ve passed on your intention to extend something warm and fleshy in his general direction when you actually meet, and I’ve suggested that he make himself at home. I’ve arranged for room 10010111 to be decorated per your instructions.
I do hope you’re as happy as I am with the results.
Welcome 70s Mike!
I’m afraid that I’ve had to put you next to dubai_phil who is known to often talk about a rather boring ball game known as football. My apologies if he bores the living shit out of you.
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Please welcome Plastic to papsweb. Plastic is guest number 87 and will be in the executive suites on floor 6 next to Redslo.
I’ve placed Plastic in such salubrious surroundings because in this post in the other place, he describes your loyal butler thusly.
Fuçk that, just had a look. Seems to be all about being friendly to each other and shiz.
For my part, I do claim to have introduced Lou to TMS through my ‘girl games / boy games’ thread, and therefore by proxy initiated the entire schism. However this claim may also be bôllocks.Shame about Bletch. Liked him.
I’m sure we’ll all agree that this means that he is probably the best poster - in the world.
Plastic, if there is anything, anything that you need during your stay, just ask.
A small word of warning regarding your neighbour.
His papship has been on the dark web and, although I may have this wrong, has been using an onion ring or some-such to divine the true identity of Redslo. We believe him to be a PR plant by the club.
You have been warned.
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A welcome worth waiting for. Thank you young man,
penny slot pssst
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When is the Papacy going to authorise a redecoration. The residents are beginning to rock themselves to sleep in the psychedelic trip fest that is our rooms.
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I note with interest that you didn’t correct my desciption of your nose.
You have my deepest sympathies, Sir.
Welcome.
The conscierge may have taken his merry time fetching my bags, but I have to say on arrival at last, the room is perfectly lovely.
Shouldn’t be too long before I start p*ssing off all the other residents. Leopards and spots and all that…
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