Well it’s almost here and the Ayatollah and I are already debating what we do
She is being unfairly (imo) lukewarm towards my suggested addition to our outdoor decorations
Oh fvck right off.
Too early
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I’ve booked lunch at the pub on Christmas Day. It’s not too early to do that 
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Mrs C_S has decided we’re having a deboned and ready stuffed duck this year - ordered
Xmas tree - ordered
Ban on me buying more xmas lights - “discussed”
It’s not even December ffs……
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FFS
Ok. So last year we weren’t doing Xmas Lunch because finding a Turkey is a nightmare in Krakow.
This year I am double booked from early Dec - early Jan.
Ergo.
If I find a Turkey in Lidl like last year then great.
If not I have a Topside Joint of Beef
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That’s odd. Last year, we weren’t doing Xmas Lunch because we couldn’t be fucking arsed.
This year, however, we’re not doing it because we still can’t be fucking arsed. 
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Yeah but last year I cooked for 9 & 30 mins AFTER the Turkey went in the Oven, Mrs P_F got notification of her +ve Covid Test
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All my missus wants for Xmas this year is me.
She says she wants loads of presence.
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We’re having same as last year, Swan.
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I’m taking Mrs and Ms Dizzyfeet to see the real Father Christmas in Lapland. Elves to meet us at the airport and everything and then a reindeer sleigh into the forest to the old fellas cabin.
8 year old Ms Dizzyfeet doesn’t know anything about it yet; won’t be telling her until we get to the airport. I’m proper excited though!
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I will be home for Christmas that is all they need.
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Last year I went all across Krakow to find the limited edition Monopoly “Wild Mushroom” version as Mrs P_F used to go for game nights with BFF regularly.
While she opened the wrapping, it remains sealed in the original store packing.
It is of course getting wrapped back up and re-presented this Xmas. All that effort and kms I put in to find/buy the bloody thing
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Fixed.
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They always said Phil was a fun guy
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Don’t be a spore loser 
Turkey and gammon ordered on line.
For the last couple of years we have had 5 to 7 people at the Xmas lunch table. For the previous 19 years the numbers were between 12 and 15.
Reducing numbers was an easy decision, helped by Covid, and the smaller number was a welcome relief after years of stress!
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I am in the doghouse (again)
I might have suggested a cull of the list of the waifs and strays that for some reason or other, the Ayatollah insists on buying presents for
Apparently this makes me a miserable bastard
I cannot work out why having more money in my pocket will make me more miserable than wasting it on useless stuff that a bunch of ungrateful kids don’t really want
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