Have a few stiff ones before they arrive, enough to give you a proper flush. Jog on the spot for 10 minutes if you can, to work up a sweat.
When they get there, look flustered and complain of suddenly feeling very hot. Then start coughing, and ask for a lemonade. Slurp some of it down, look puzzled and say āI wanted lemonade, not waterā¦ā. When the mrs says āit is lemonade,ā sip it again and say you canāt taste it.
Be sure to keep back 2 metres as you wave them goodbye.
So, just been to the General for a Coronavirus test. Thatās my second - first was self-administered this one done by a professional. Fuck me, I didnāt realise the nose went back that far.
I was notified of the appointment by text and it simply said āSGH West Wingā and the time - no mention that it was a drive-through test. I should have realised I suppose.
I parked the car and turned up at the main entrance and was walked, sans car, to the drive-through testing location. The nurse initially said that I had to go and get my car but then said that if I was happy to stand they would do it.
The reason for the test? Iām going in for an op on Tuesday and I need a negative test before I will be admitted. Been isolating/shielding with Mrs Bletch for 14 days now and getting a little stir crazy. Nothing too major (Bletch apes Les Dawsonās Cissie, nudges Ada and surreptitiously mouths the word āwaterworksā) but will be in recovery for about 3 weeks.
So @BTripz and @pap, Iāll be out of circulation for a while from Tuesday. Was going to update the forum software before I went but itās a big upgrade (Postgres 10 to Postgres 12) so will probably leave it a while.
Happy operation day mateā¦and swift recovery or as they say āSoft-tissue Updateā 
No worries boss! Deputy Fatso ready to take over whilst you recover. Hope it goes well but take your time and donāt rush a return. The forum is in safe hands.
Well thatās a weight off my mind.
Will you be back for the weekly Confectionary Quiz humiliation?
You want me to do the update? I think I could get us to Postgres 13, maybe 14 at a push.
Iāll likely still be in then so you are guaranteed to finish one place higher thank normal.
Random alcohol-related quiz for you Big Kā¦What English town has the most pubs per capita? (according to some random on Twitter this morning).
As its from you, Iāll guess Gosport.
No - that was my guess. Let me know if youāre tapping out. It is coastal.
Depends what they mean by per capita, if that means permanent residents then itās probably somewhere that has a small ratio of people living there to people visiting. Isle of Wight or Weymouth, somewhere like that.
No but I like the way youāre thinking.
So weāre looking for somewhere that nobody in their right minds would consider living, but seems to hold a superficial attraction for the casual visitor. Preferably in a region where fewer people can afford to go abroad for their holidays, (so probably up north,) and has very high levels of alcoholism. 
Skeggy?
Exactly so.
Honestly? 
I genuinely didnāt look that up. I ought to be a detective
Oh noes, the forum is going to go to ratshit, thank the lords that only the deputies have the admin passwordā¦
Be safe @saintbletch, are they replacing your alcohol tolerance system with something a bit stronger?
Iām betting the password is: C**T.
Iāve asterisked two of the letters so as not to compromise site security.
Do you know, I never thought of trying that, however Iām sure @saintbletch would have followed his usual password protocols so it would surely be SotoniansC**T
C**TS surely?
It will be B*****ks because he spelt C**TS wrong
how does that work then CUNTS with 2 ** in does not show correctly?