Do we have that feature on here?
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Piss poor planning - you are like the govt and PPE
Where as I am like ze Germans and has overstocked
Off for a cask Old thumper
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Thatās not how itās used on Cunts Corner, tbh.
Itās optional. Itās called self-control. Many of us are known to have lapses in the functionality 
Not really. It turns out Mrs Fatso is not keen on my old magazine collection and everything has been put in the recycling bin. Iām now reduced to looking in bushes.
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I bet Mrs Fatso isnāt too happy about that, either.
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I donāt know if youāre aware of it fatso, but thereās this new thing called The Internet. Itās primary function is to provide pornography to males of all ages and backgrounds, free at the point of delivery. People occasionally use it for other sundry purposes, but only rarely. Give it a try, rooting around the park under hedgerows is bad for the back.
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I wonder if my missus would like to borrow herself? 
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This account of her visit to Lidlās Shirley Branch this morningā¦this could have been a great Monty Python sketch
"A warning to all: avoid using Aldi Southampton at the moment if you can.
Iāve just got back from a truly awful shopping trip there.
Having queued up, patiently and socially distancing, as I neared the entrance a shop worker clipped a carabena onto the belt loop of my jeans, my perplexed expression must have said it all as she explained that whilst people are distancing in the queue outside, they arenāt distancing once inside the store.
So what some Donut has dreamt up is to rope 6 or so customers together with 2m of rope between each of us WTAF.
Well these are strange times and with the threat of a second wave of infection I thought Iād best not complain and just tow the line (so to speak).
Iām telling you now, what an absolutely idiotic idea this is. Weāve negotiated our way in to the store, some with trolleys and others trying to grab a basket before the berserk conga line drags them away.
I was near the middle of the rope picking up some veg, the woman at the front, who was trussed up like a kid in a harness was trying to drag the whole line to the apples and the bloke at the back trying to pull the other way to get his hands on last weeks courgettes which were now this weeks courgette offer.
It was like tug-of-war for the deranged.
Itās embarrassing to say, but I lost it, started ranting and raving about the rope and how the hell are people meant to shop like this, I went to unclip the carabena which miraculously brought the attention of the staff who told me Iād be asked to leave the shop if I uncliped. āFFS weāre not rock climbing, weāre trying to buy cheeseā are words which Iāll carry with me to my grave.
Strangely this outburst had the effect of bringing our train together as a team.
We carried on now with lots of communication, people passing stuff along the line to other to fill their baskets. Now I know passing things to one another could spread the infection as much as person to person contact but I honestly think if we hadnāt of done, Iād still be there now.
As we started along the aisle I generally refer to as ābiscuits and creosoteā, it was clear from the melee that all was not well in the adjacent aisle. As far as I could tell there had been 2 trains of people and a lady in the middle of one chain had ducked under the other to get her hands on a pop-art cat bed. The tangle had resulted in a multi-pedestran pile up in which the epicentre resembled the diety Durga, it wasnāt clear how long theyād been there but one old chap was trying to free himself by feverishly sawing at the rope with his house keys.
We navigated the remaining aisles without major trauma, other than having to rescue Doreen (2nd in line) after she fell in the chest freezer trying to reach the last beef Wellington. We were individually unclipped prior to the till, at which point any cameradery weād had quickly evaporated as everyone scrambled for the first available till.
With the ordeal still impeding rational thought, it was a welcome and familiar sight to have the check out throw all my shopping on the floor in the normal 1000mph fashion.
I really did not appreciate being strung along like that, but I hope you did."
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Lol the FB Version was Waitrose in Leigh otherwise word for word.
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Even Donut?
Lockdown is over - the Forest is rammed
Amazing how many camper vans have been taken for a day out
And the number of dickheads having BBQs when the Forest is like a tinder box
Itās is so bad that if you see someone with a BBQ, the advice is not to ring the forestry commission, but to call 999 and the fire brigade will come straight out to deal with it
Just fuck off back to your homes
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Yes it was a fun read though. 
And that is what started the fire in Wareham forest last weekend, someoneās discarded BBQ, they say they found 4 or 5 others left in the area too
Tiger v Phil Part 2 coming up on CNNI, TNT and then google search.
Hopefully the NFL Stars will have more personality than Dustin & Rickie last week
OK got my time zones wrong. Coverage now on
It is HAMMERING down course is soaked, they have some funky formats & $25m for a hole in one.
All for charity
OK, bit more shit together than last week.
Jamie Foxx just did the Intro to the show.
Announcer on the 1st Tee is Samuel L Jackson ripping the piss superbly
And so Tiger slams one down the middle, his partner Peyton
Tiger is the only drive on anything resembling grass 
And the tech didnāt quite work when they tried to interview Tiger in his new Jety Powered Buggy (Available at the in-show Auction obviously)
They are also Auctioning the Beer Cart. Unfortunately it is filled with Michelob so Iām out
What is great about this is listening to Tiger when he has hit shots.
It was perhaps THE most āspecialā thing I got to experience being up close with him - all his little talk to himself stuff and little banter comments
Iāve been really busy during the lockdown. Iāve learned a new language, Python.
Even for a non programmer, itās quite readable.
def fucks_left_to_give(fucks):
return (len(fucks), 0)
your_complaints = ['Fuck'] * 10000
your_fucks, my_fucks = fucks_left_to_give(your_complaints)
print(f"You had {your_fucks} complaints. I have {my_fucks} fucks to give")
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Finally trip to Dentist today. Last week was the temporary fitting to check it all settled down.
Today the proper stuff.
Problem was 1 of the teeth holding the bridge has exposed nerve endings into which the post was fitted. Medically sound & now covered it will settle down.
Reality - HOLY SHIT screams & wakes up on oxygen.
Couldnāt get the Tramadol down fast enough.
Another wiped out afternoon.
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