Twitter :
Reports are emerging in S Poland of a deadly new mutation of the pandemic.
Symptoms include blocked nose, partial deafness & severe muscle pains, allied with the mysterious emergence of skin lesions.
Reality.
Do NOT wear Crocs in the Garden when carrying out work involving sanding things down prior to painting them.
Its happening
Donât be daft, our government are a load of pansies when it comes down to it and the money in the Premier League will do the talking.
Quite how they PL expect to manage the logistics is beyond me. Itâll only take one player to get C-19 and the whole lot of them will be fucked.
As âfunnyâ as it might be should they not be awarded the title⌠it would be a pretty sad day for âsportâ IMHO, simply because i ask, what if it was us, our one chance to do a Leicester and we only needed 2 wins from 12 odd games? Would we really feel it was sportingly fair to be denied the chance to win it?
As much as I am not a fan of the scousers and there air of self entitlement⌠you have to admire what Klopp as done⌠something none of the previous incumbents have managed in the generation⌠is this all down to them buying a load of our players (many of which were at inflated prices 
)?
Get fucked!
Just back from the shop. Thereâs a bit of rain on here at the moment, so the shop had a fair few people in it, mostly being good girls and boys. Except one bad boy.
So this confused old duffer decides he needs something in the drinks aisle, sees a load of people queuing along it, so what does he do? Just fucking sidles past the lost of us, very closely.
Fair dos. Weâre all new at this human not Tetris lark, so he just gets a glare.
A short time afterwards, he emerges from an aisle and plonks himself 3rd in line for a twelve person queue.
At this point, Iâd had enough.
âSo youâre just rolling in there, are you mate? Fair play to you, but the back of the queue is round thereâ, motioning to the area at the back of the shop.
He briefly tried feigning ignorance until some battle-axe behind me says âthe queueâs round thereâ.
Shame moved him eventually. It probably wonât move the COVID-19 anyone might catch off the cunt.
So dear fatso, let out you deep sense of injustice and spill the beans on your irrational hatred for the bin dippers dear boy⌠it will be cathartic 
Just been up the road to Boots to get my good Lady Slowlaneâs meds. I thought 4.15pm, a slight drizzle shouldnât be much of a queue.
Walked straight in, do a theatrical look around for the missing hundredsâŚâWhere are they allâ
"Shhhh " says the man behind the counter, âThought you were coming to set up the next game of Snookerâ
I was wearing a pair of white latex gloves. 
Quality 
Was that the Baddesley one, by any chance?
Yep.
Youre going to get a shoeing, Bob Paisley.
Tell me about your mother?
Youâd love that wouldnât you? Bloody Joey Boswell pervert.
Tell me about the need to reference a shitty 80s sitcom about a hardworking family from Liverhampton Fallen on hard times and in need of social support? Has this left you with deep seated feelings of envy? That you had to work for your âbreadâ ?
But more importantly tell me about your mother
Just round the corner from me. Iâm in the close behind the Co-op.
What number Iâll come round and stand outside your house and wave. 
That would shock my mother into cardiac arrest. 
Number 2a, say around 10am?
