This is not the roid sheās looking for
The Let The Train Make You Strain Diary
So Iāve been rather complimentary about train journeys lately, and in truth, they have not been bad. Iāve been down South a few times in the past few months and have not been delayed once. I did have a train cancelled on me in Warrington but it afforded me the opportunity to sample the delights of the local McDonalds, where I made the only sensible purchasing decision you can ever make at McDonalds (two cheeseburgers please).
I was not delayed on Saturday, but fate did throw me a curveball all the same. After dismbarking for my change at Wolverhampton, who is behind me but @Barry_Sanchez. Fortunately Barry was a total gent and didnāt seem bothered about his double-banning. Itās also something of a shame that he canāt bring his normal persona here, because I had a good long chat with him all the way down and we get on. I also think heās a lot smarter than his online persona.
Today though, was the real fuckeroonie. After deftly sorting all my shit at my mums (I am famous for leaving things behind) I get to the train station exactly on time, got my On Time train and managed to get all the way to Coventry before the train stopped, an annoucement was made that trains werenāt being allowed through Birmingham New Street.
I phone the missus and ask if she can find out what is going on at Birmingham New Street, and she tells me theyāve found a grenade on the platform. Facing the choice of paying hotel fees in Coventry or getting a taxi to Wolverhampton, I went for the latter. The Uber cost me Ā£60.
I did briefly consider the Uber pricing model and the time of day (rush hour) and thought I might be able to get a better deal with one of the hackneys.
āAre you booked?ā, I ask.
āNoā, matey says.
āHow much to get to Wolverhampton?ā.
A sharp intake of breath follows, āOooh, at least Ā£90ā.
āYeah my Uber is only sixty mate. Nice try. Unluckyā. The only bright spot of the evening at that point.
I felt some vindication on getting to Wolverhampton. The train I was on still hadnāt arrived and was delayed by 82 minutes.
It also turns out that the āhand grenadeā was in fact a weed grinder shaped like a hand grenade. The mind fucking boggles. If you need to carry a weed grinder, youāre probably already carrying contraband. Why then, would you ever get a weed grinder that looks like a fucking explosive?
I am home tonight, and am left in the uncomfortable position of having to admit that the least troublesome person I met on my travels was @Barry-Sanchez
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Didnāt we all say something similar after the Wembley semi final v Chelski a few years back?
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Production line in full flow tonight.
The Lockdown Broiler chickens for food became a cost of living crisis how to have free food plan.
Obv Iām staying well clear. Only 16 more for them to do by Wednesday
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Gutted.
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Do they not do pairs of gloves?
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Pay attention @Goatboy. Notice the hand with the dark blue glove is smaller than the hand with the light blue glove.
Thatās just to make the cock look bigger.
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Thatās not a cock, itās a Pullet.
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Did he?
Yes thatās why heās wearing gloves.
No sensation in the fingers though.
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I aināt allowed bear them fank fool.
I solved that issue by shocking gert great lumps of skin off when I was forced to do it after we arrived.
Never again
Some of you may have noticed that I have been less than active on the forum recently. About three weeks ago I became ill, the usual stuff, high temperature, fluey, totally lethargic, basically feeling like shit. Wednesday of last week it developed into what I thought was a chest infection, negative test for Covid,(Iām all up to date with jabs). Thursday afternoon I collapsed coming out of the bathroom after what I can only describe as akin to being hit by an express train, raging temperature, teeth shattering shivering, really struggling to breath, desperately gasping to draw breath , really really struggling. Thankfully someone was on hand, took one look at me and dialled 999. Waited about 30 minutes for paramedics during which time I was really struggling, thankfully friends kept me stable as best they could, stopped me closing my eyes and drifting away, which I really really wanted to do. Blues and twos, Aintree hospital, where I was connected up to all sorts, oxygen, heart monitoring etc. A lot of it was a blur to be honest, drifting in and out in what was described by the Senior Reg next day as a challenging 24 hours. The upshot is I had/ have Bacterial Pneumonia, deeply, deeply unpleasant and I wouldnāt wish it on a Portsmouth supporter! After a week in a ward sideroom having serious amounts of antibiotics dripped through me for five days I was discharged yesterday, back to my own bed. Feeling absolutely wasted, weak as a kitten, eight weeks of rest until the Docs will see me in eight weeks time for reassessment. Obviously my winter sun jaunt to the Far East has gone out of the window, was due to go at the end of next week, but that is the least of my priorities at the moment. I thank my lucky stars, it could have been a lot worse, itās really put the wind up me. My age was against me of course, luckily the consultant told me my heart is very robust, which is good to know of course and probably tipped the balance. Now I must just concentrate on building up strength and getting well again. At the moment a trip to the bathroom results in feeling like Iāve run a marathon but one day at a time. As a postcript, absolute kudos to the NHS for taking care of me, from the ward cleaners through to the nurses and medics, superstars every last one of them.
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Bloody hell mate 
Hope the recovery is quick
The NHS is a National Treasure
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Wow that is really scary stuff mate. Iām coming up for the birthday at which my dad passed away very suddenly in the street. Going to the dentist in Shirley, he said to my mum, āJust going to the dentist, Iāll be back in an hourā He collapsed and died in Howards Grove of a Pulmonary Embolism, no second chance.
It focused my attention on my health but as I approach my dadās age you look around you and realise, as Iām sure you have, that despite being careful thereās a large element of luck when the unpredictable comes knocking.
Hope your recovery is steady, strong and speedy.
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Wowser.
Brave of you to post that mate, sounds like a ride from hell. All the best for the next few weeks and beyond, slow and steady and all that.
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Hope youāre back to fighting fitness soon N-K. Shame about your holiday but it will still be there when youāve fully recovered.
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Holy crap What an absolute nightmare!! Sounds like you were pretty lucky. Keep up the fluids and get well soon, might I suggest you avoid the England games in the World Cup, donāt want to take any chances 
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There must be something in the Liverpool water for bad luck at the moment. Hope youāre doing well, @Nottarf-Krap. Hopefully weāll be able to grab a beer at some point.
Gingora had some time off this week which she found hard to enjoy. On Monday, she got a text from a former colleague asking her if heād heard the news. She hadnāt. What was rumoured on Monday, that her firm was about to go into administration, was confirmed on Thursday.
I took the rest of the week off to be able to support her. We got her CV updated yesterday with my hiring manager eye and Iām pleased to report she already has two concrete interviews on Monday.
Weāve had a few trials and tribulations this year and what each of my family have said is this. Iām an annoying bastard but fucking impressive to have about when the chips are down.
On a final note, what a fucker capitalism is, eh? Gingora is one of the lucky ones. There were others let go the same day who have no other income coming in, bills to pay and wonāt be getting paid at the end of this month. The firm had an OFSTED inspection recently and got staff to pull loads of ovies too. Cunts.
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