Brilliant. Just sent that to my daughter, that could be her. She has three cats, and worships the ground they walk on. Apparently ancient Egyptians worshipped cats as Gods, and cats have never forgotten it. She tells me!
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The secret diary of the COVID averse Paul Taylor, aged 47 and one third
So Gingora has COVID. Anyone who has met her knows that she not only answers to āGingeā, but will also answer to āJoā. I have hence renamed her JOVID and have encouraged the family to use the moniker henceforth. They have not all complied with this dad-level edict, but they did all laugh.
Amazingly enough, I do not have the virus. Lastbornās boyf lives with us and he had it a while ago; neither lastborn nor I contracted it then. I kept a wide berth on that occasion, not an option for lastborn then, and not an option for me now.
I say āamazinglyā because short of licking me, the missus has done everything in her power to pass it on. Last night, I retire to bed and see her coughing and spluttering all over my side. Worse, there is an electric fan, directed so that it blows over Gingora first and me next, blowing all her dirty JOVID germs my way.
She apparently contracted it on a hen night last weekend, which surprised me. I had no idea that COVID could pass from humans to gingers.
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.Pilfered from my own FB for posterity.
During a recent excursion, the missus, a fan of Prosecco, but driving, had Non-seco, the non alcoholic version.
āIād never drink thatā, I say.
āWhat, because itās non-alcoholic, you plonky?ā, she darts back.
āNope, itās because it has got a nonce in itā
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Unfortunately Phil, the gag falls flatter than yesterdayās sparkling slag fuel when you realise itās actually Nosecco. 
Thatās not what the missus said. And that is one of the reasons the missus is comedy gold.
I have referred previously to her hardcore pronunciation (and insistence that it was correct) of famous port brand Cockburns.
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The Russian guy was the German General in Allo Allo?
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I think he was 
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Feed that into the Barry-machine!
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Probably not a good idea - Heās trying not to interact with me because I think heās an arse 
Well youāve got to applaud him for getting one thing right. 
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The not so secret diary of Paul Taylor, aged 47 and ten 24ths
It has been a weird old couple of weeks. It has been fifteen days since our beloved family pet was put down. Firstborn travelled to Liverpool the weekend after it happened and took the kitten to the same vets where the dog last was. Fortunately for everyone, our twin fears of this vetsbeing a Shipman type character were largely allayed. They did not say the kitten was a bit old and had seen better days.
The kitten has been something of a lifesaver, even if the vicious little bastard doesnāt know it. Heās a baby. Babies donāt know shit and he continued to do kitten things despite everything that was going on. Kitten things are very hard to ignore.
They include:-
- Your favourite plant being munched and/or knocked over
- Declaring the extremities of your limbs mortal and huntable enemies, quite separate in his mind from the rest of our bodies.
- Hunting pixel art characters on my OLED and pawing at them
- Ignoring his numerous toys inf favour of toying with everything else
This list is not exhaustive. There are one-offs. The other night, I am about to get to sleep and I am awoken by my missus, who is clambering across the bed to investigate her own disturbance, which I can also hear a bit.
When I asked her what was going on, she explained that despite the kittenās previous disinterest in his toys, he had chosen this time, 01:18 in the morning, to go downstairs and retrieve what Gingora sleepily described as āa squeaky mouseā.
In summary, I am a bit like Blaine from Predator. I am not a god damn sexual tyrannosaurus, but with Lord Kitten Bollocks trotting about and causing trouble, I aināt got time to grieve.
Blaine was killed shortly after making a similar statement.
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This is a true thing that the kitty toy industry is fully aware of and do not publicise!
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The diaries of the nutritionally bereft Paul Taylor, aged 47 and 5/12ths
This is a short one (oo-er missus).
The girls are leaving to get their hair done so before they leave, I ask if thereās anything I can eat while theyāre out. I am told there is a carbonara in the fridge.
āIām not eating thatā, I say. āYou can make the word ācobraā out of some of the letters in carbonara. Iām also swerving Cobra Beer for that reason.ā
Net result is that the family donāt take me seriously and Iām still hungry.
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With that reasoning are you also swerving bacon rolls?
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Heās avoiding the potted crab as well.
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And the arab
the outraged diaries of Paul Alan Taylor,aged 47 and fucked off
Was at a big Scouse wedding. Met my nieceās new boyfriend.
He spoke not so eloquently about Liverpool not having as many āPakisā and having more Jamaicans
This did not go down well with me.
He is Dave the racist forever more in my eyes.
The fucker tried to explaining himself, saying that his best mate was from Pakistan.
Starting to wonder if the niece is into this. Second knucledragger in a row.
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It shouldnāt go down well with anyone 
- thereās still a lot of it about - despite what the media would have you believe.
Yeah, i know and while I am mote than happy to explore cultural differences, when a cunt is remarking on his own perceived count, heās a cunt.
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