I have Steak
And Wine.
And Cricket.
Then Hampshire
Then Golf
And more Wine
Gad to see you take your moderation seriously 
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July 1st - Come & drink Bletchâs favourite fluids with Bletch and âFriendsâ.
Right, it just so happens that Lewis Capaldi is headlining some festival in Cheltenham so Mrs NotBletch is going with the eldest (and youngest) daughter in tow.
This means that NotBletch has a Saturday night free from the usual matrimonial bondage and obligation on Saturday, July 1st.
Iâve given it a lot of thought and it makes sense to head to @antâs bar (The Butcherâs Hook) in Bitterne and drink small amounts of very expensive beer.
If anyone is pretentious and wealthy enough to want to sit near (or next to) NotBletch whilst heâs there, make yourself known and you will be added to the list of âcool kidsâ.
Hereâs a slight guilt trip to help you decide what youâre doing on July 1st.
@Lets-B-Drinking - Youâve got to owe me a beer by now so you have to be there for all theâŚwell, I just have a sense that you owe me. On the downside, I donât think they have a pub quiz so the knowledge that someone of your age has amassed on the first Olympics and kicking a pigâs bladder through Tollpuddle will be of limited value.
@Goatboy - As a fellow lush you should be there. After you âforced meâ to consume an unidentified alcohol in the pub over the platform from St. Denyâs and I ended up waking up at 3:40am on the northbound platform at Southampton Airport Parkway, you fucking owe me! And your 50th and New Yearâs Eve parties donât count. If not, enjoy Mauritius or the British Virgin Islands or whatever minor festival youâre cooking burgers at.
@BTripz - You always seem to escape my orbit just as Iâm about to buy you a ridiculously strong stout in the hope of making you miss your train. This time itâs personal. You have no excuse!
@Fowllyd - This is a great opportunity to get away from the stench of your Victorian (Georgian?) stink pipe for a night. Tell Elizabeth that Bletch is going to look after you and find a train from whatever middle-class village youâre living in. You also really have to be there and have no excuse.
@Map-of-Mauritania - Iâve checked my SMS messages (I havenât really) and youâve been promising to come to a âbeersâ for 6 years. Time to make good. You wouldnât want me to think that youâre the type of Sotonian that would renege on a promise toâŚI donât knowâŚput the cheque in the postâŚor not come in my inbox, do you?.
@SO5-4BW - at the Steel Town in Eastleigh I nearly got you and @Fowllyd away from the dark side of warm and cloudy beer. Come and let @ant learn you 'bout proper beer thatâs cold, fizzy and smells of flowers. You wonât regret it.
@Cobham-Saint - Just because you were awarded the freedom of the City of London for being a member of the âWorshipful Company of Total Cuntsâ doesnât give you a pass. Iâve picked a venue that is near a train station (prolly) so you can get in and out like Flynn and head back to leafier climes.
@lifeintheslowlane - Letâs be honest mate, this could be the last time matron is going to let you out. So Iâll reserve a parking space outside for the Beetle and get @ant to put on some zero-percent alcohol (with Glucosamin for your knees and hips). BTW, apropos of nothing in particular, have you read The 101 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared? Also, Iâve got a business idea where we tell everyone youâre Roger Walters and we sell your autographs - just donât wear the SS uniform.
@pap - You boring cunt. Not having functioning eyes is not an excuse (it is a total excuse), so get yourself down south and Iâm sure @ant will get a crate of cans of Fosters from Cash and Carry. Itâs been too long.
@CB-Saint - As a man that likes the finer things in life - a good wine, a carbon fibre bicycle, the impeachable morals of the modern Conservative party and the produce of Vibrant Forest Brewery, youâre going to get a lot out of an evening at the Butcherâs Hook. Why not ride your bike and if I hit the beer too hard and have âToo much too youngâ then as Iâm bent over talking to Huey you might have somewhere to park the bike.
@Polski_Filip - as youâve probably become accustomed to watching exciting things happen back home on a dodgy 480p link, we could âZoomâ you and tell you what you could have won.
@Saint-CD - bring your nipper that I met a few years back. Actually, heâs probably in his early 30s by now but I do remember sponsoring him (or donating) for some worthy cause or other - so itâs certainly his round.
@scotty, Given your addiction to low-alcohol beer, I suggest you join the Zoom call with 'Phil. Or come along for the âconversationâ. Perhaps leave early as I tend to get really punchable around 10 pm.
@PhilippineSaint, get on the Zoom call - unless youâre on a rig and dry. In that case, just keep your suffering to yourself.
At this point Iâd call out to âanyone else that knows meâ, but as anyone else that knows me will avoid the Butcherâs Hook on July 1st like the plague, thatâs probably counter-productive.
But if there are any other Sotonians that want to be there, they can fuck off- or come and look on at the lonely tall, bald bloke at the bar explaining to the barkeep (@ant) why all his mates let him down and how he canât afford the bill.
EDIT: Also, @gavstar, Iâve got this arthritic knee. Could we come to some arrangement where you give me some advice and I buy you a 1/3 of a pint of âThe Physioâs a cunt!â ?
EDIT: @Bucks, like a few on here I know youâve turned your back on alcohol, but if you fancy an evening watching a few of us broadcast pearls of wisdom re football and life, then drop me a message at idsoonereatmyownshit@fuckoffbletch.com
EDIT 2: Has anyone got Barry Sanchezâs contact details?
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IF I can find a fap between Krakow Rugby 7s & Physio for my fvcked up face & a cheap flight & a mate who can drive.
I might be there.
Whats a Zoom?
I will be there but in disguise.
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For your disguise, will you be wearing one of those God-awful shirts that Mrs Goat showed me in your wardrobe? Fuck me, even I wouldnât wear some of those.
Can I put you down as a maybe or are you âawayâ?
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I need to check my hectic social schedule but put me down as an Oasis debut album
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Yes of course, Iâd love to be there. The business opportunity strikes me as a goer. My handwriting these days is barely decipherable so if weâre legally challenged thereâs a secure deniablity coda.
Because of an effort to reduce my carbon footprint the Karmann Ghia will stay in the garage.
Oh yes, this might sound a little ungrateful but could I suggest and alternative venue for 1st July:
https://www.danski.is/
Hope you can all join Lady Slowlane and myself.
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Fortunately/ unfortunately I will be on annual leave and Mrs C_S has a list of actions to achieve / complete in the preceding 2 weeks otherwise conjugal rights WILL be withheld
Iâll have a shandy @ Waterloo when you are next up in town DM me.
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1pm opening or is that too early for your shandy drinking?
Nice boozer, that.
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And friendly staff as well.
Unfortunately Iâll be in Derbyshire doing the very same thing with a bunch of reprobates not too dissimilar to yourselves 
Weâre seriously pondering an early game or two before he heads back to Uni so a meet up later in the summer seems more likely 
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Well come out and get fucked with us (probably just me).
Probably too early for my wallet. Was thinking early evening.
You around?
Should be. If youâre about this Thursday get to The Bookshop from 5pm and buy me a birthday pint. And you, Goat. Havenât seen you since you got back.
Just planning the Narwich game visitation ⌠the first covid casualty
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