When the audience ask you to singâŚ
Benny Hill. Ernie.
As if I needed any encouragement
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Youâre my heroâŚsrsly 
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When you get of the unit and get to the hotel and find a contractor there in contact with my client in KL. Who promptly tells the contractor to pay for my bar and food bill for the afternoon and evening
Knowing that I have been offshore for 5 weeks so was going to get hammered.
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If youâve been dry for 5 weeks getting hammered isnât going to take longâŚyouâll get pissed quicker than @saintbletch
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Line the stomache with Guiness (technically food) then on to vodka and cokes took a good 5 hours before. I had to. Leave the bar
1 hour for each week offshore
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Sat by the pool listening to the waterfall fill the pool nothing better to do after five weeks of hell on an oil platform.
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Waking up knowing that the Ayatollah will let me get my snorkel into a bottle of something nice tonight. Weekdays have been like living on an oil platform, but worse.
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Young Adult asked if she could have a couple of friends over for a âgatheringâ before they all go back to Uni - Nice they all still really get on & Teenage Mutant is in his element with the advance guard of young women here already who for some reason love him to bitsâŚ
Now expecting 20 to 30, luckily we live off the beaten track so there would have been more.
All our chilled booze has been removed and stored in a cool boxâŚfor my extensive sampling later.
I may move this to the annoyance thread after midnightâŚ
One of my mates allowed his lad to do a party before returnng to uni. It led to an immortal line being uttered by his kid.
A couple of days beforehand a few ground rules were being laid down. No smoking in the house, no pissing on the dahlias etc. Then said kid chirps up with, âdad, so whatâs the drugs policyâ
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Under no circumstancesâŚdo what I did.
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My lot usually tidy up and put all the bottles and cans in the recycling binâŚyes really.
I did not do this.
Golf on the mobile (Mobdro)
And England on the laptop
Yep modern lifeâŚ
And as I typed that we scoredâŚ
McArthy wouldâve saved that
I have absolutely no idea what this is about
Some people have said my character is unprintable ?
Having bank holidays when you lot are workingâŚ
Mwah mwah mwah.
Mind you itâs 38C and humid as hell and a dry day but Happy Islamic New Year. Iâm off back into that blue bath tub too hot to sit on the bloody beach!
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Work??? Iâm confused. 
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Isnât that that bloody Portsmouth spinnaker tower I see in the background
Are you actually back in Godâs Own County?
1 Like