Mrs P_F has a friend coming in this week.
She also has a BFF who works at the airport.
Who pulled the excuse Maâam, will you come with me gag in the Covid passport queue
And walked her through the fast track instead of arresting her
#underwear change time
Eh, you may be speaking English but youâre, more and more, typing in Polish
I thought it was one of his more lucid posts.
I had several friends in the customs and in the 80âs we arranged for my missus to be nicked at Pompey docks, coming back from Le Havre. I was behind the 2 way mirror, but stopped short of letting her be stripped searched.
How we laughed. She became my ex some time later.
I came back from Le Harve to Pompey on the ferry with an empty transit van that had been boarded inside to allow boxes to be slid in easily.
The customs bastards asked me what I had and when I said nothing they asked me where my duty freeâs were.
I dont have any so they then strip searched the van by removing all the panels.â
On finding nothing they said I coud go.
When you repair my van to the state it was in before you wrecked it I will be in that cafe over there and walked off with the keys. 2 hours later they had finished and I then left.
Got a bollocking from the boss on arrrival back in Totton on why had it taken me 5 hours to drive from Pompey to Totton.
Cunts
Hmm.
Tomorrow must retell the tale of when I got my BFF deported from Dubai for a drug bust.
Oh how we laughed
Clubbing
At my age.
With Mrs P_F watching drunk bitches fail
Yay!
4am taxi home.
Driver is dead ringer of Maze from Lucifer
I am on so much trouble
After years of thinking about it, finally applied for my bus pass, which arrived today!
Will now be able to go wherever I like for free!
Wait for a few weeks for the post on annoyances when I experience cancellations, delays, and general bad service!
Ah now you are to experience the delights of cancelled bus routes with a replacement rail service. 
Making plans.
The first driver/conductor who says anything like âare you sure youâre old enough to have this bus passâ or âyou shouldnât use your fathers bus pass sonâ gets a ÂŁ10 note.
What does he get when he says âyouâre meant to have renewed this after ten years, mateâ?
Managing to get a dentist appointment for next Tuesday
2.30?
Strangely.
No.
2pm so should be out by tooth hurty
Falling for the âdownload the Discovery+ app to the phone & tellybox for a whole new viewing experienceâ and finding itâs all subscription wank. ButâŚfinding itâs really easy to delete the fuck cunts from all apps and devices really easily.
Top marks if it wasnât a fail in the first place 
Youâre doing something right when a client flies in from Malta just to be at my Birthday party.
You know youâre doing something wrong when you get back from a long day at work to find client unconscious on your sofa bed & your wife passed out on the floor.
Ffs
How?
Why?
But oh do I now have some Brownie points/Hall passes
When you have a broken front tooth and Auchan is selling ÂŁ35 a kg airdried Aberdeen Angus T-Bone going out of date for ÂŁ2.50 a kg & there is room in the freezer!
