Canât you just walk into the nearest Hilton or Ritz, James Bond style, and get the suite they keep permanently open for you?
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Back in the day yes.
Now?
SighâŚ
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My greatest ever Hotel line.
Semi Ramis Hotel Cairo. I was flying in for a week of work, back in the days of Travel Agents & Vouchers.
Semi Ramis was a classic old 5 Star hotel, safe & secure (essential) central for clients and had good restaurants / room service. Was in walking distance of the Museum and I must have seen King Tut a dozen times when meetings finished early over the years.
Also had a brilliant souvenir shop across the road who sold Watercolours by students from the Uni f "Old Cairo scenes - Dhows on the Nile, Pyramids, Sphinx etc. Collected the lot, all framed, in storage these days but my best souvenir of those days.
Check-in.
Oh. I am sorry sir we are full and overbooked, your room is no longer available.
Oh, that is unfortunate. I just had lunch and met Omar Sharif, he is in town, we talked about where he was staying, he said he did not know yet. I assume if he was to stay here tonight you would have a room for him?
Well yes of courseâŚ
Then fine. Give me his room, he is staying at the Marriott.
I was pissed lunch was epic client took me to a âClubâ that overlooked the Nile. I had to borrow a tie and yes, Omar was on the next table and yes I spoke to him and yes he autographed a menu with love to my Mum and yes. She cried when I gave it to her
So yeah.
Back in the day
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The most bizarre satnav fail. As I posted the other day, our campsite in Versailles is directly above a long road tunnel. Our satnav therefore thinks weâre in the tunnel and as it has a 2m hight limit and weâre 3m high (programmed into satnav) it says all routes are impossible.
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Fucking wasps - one little bastard has just stung me on the top of my ear. Seriously, what is the point of those fuckers?
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Hah!
Iâll raise you with Asian Hornet yesterday
(@scotty @Polski_Filip @PhilippineSaint )
Like being tasered 
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There is only one cure.
Vodka and a Europop radio station
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You certainly went to the right place for sympathy mate. 
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YeahâŚthanks.
Cnuts
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I am fucked
England football midnight to 2am
England Rugby 3 am till 5 am
Ladies tennis final after above
Chinese Mafia want to take me out buy beer and bet against me beating local at pool English old school rules @BTripz might know them. the rules not the chinese mafia 
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The A34âŚWTF.
We had a 3 day break in Lincoln and Friday morning highlighted what a shit road network we have in Central Southern England. I was saying to Lady Slowlane it now regularly takes 90 minutes to get to Oxford when 35 years ago it would usually take an hour. I donât drive any slower than 35 years ago if the traffic would allow me.
Where else in this country is as poorly served North to South or East to West as the main cities in Hampshire, either road or rail.
Cunts.
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We have Motorways here.
That were due to be finished 10 years ago
And have bits missing in the middle
Krakow - Airport most days - 20 minutes.
Friday Afternoon - 1 hour
Airport - Krakow Monday morning - 1 hour
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It used to take me an hour to get from Langley to the Redbridge pub in Totton every weekday when I worked in the UK now it doesnât
I am thankfull
Surely the pubs on The Waterside werenât that bad?
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It takes an hour to get anywhere from Langley
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This will break your heart - two wine storage tanks in Portugal burst flooding the village
Our campsite near Royan is great, but we share it with a plague of minute flying creatures, too small to be visible to the naked eye but possessing a vicious bite. BASTARDS!
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At least theyâre European insects. 