Fuck me. It’s getting dark early these days.
It got dark early here.
A Supercell passed over
I missed Mrs P_F hanging on to the front gate being seung back and forth in 90mph winds
But I’ll never be allowed to forget that I was watching Welcome to Wrexham at the time…
I drank the Ethiopian plane dry of Vodka then all they had left was Beer
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Locked myself out this morning and paid £150 to watch some bloke break into my house in 10seconds
You have to ask if there is any point locking the door at all
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I remember When I was installing a satellite dish at the Yeoman pub in Blackfield the landlord put the ladder up outside and said he would go in and open the window. By the time he had got upstairs I was already in the bedroom after unlatching the window from outside.
And no no point locking the doors because if they cannot get in quickly they will break something.
“Here’s a hundred and fifty quid mate, disillusion me.” 
There is a pigeon that lives in my garden. He is a cunt.
I just cleaned the Ayatollah’s car because it was covered in bird shit and the second I had finished the little mother fucker has just dumped all over the bonnet
The only upside was that I hadn’t had time to pack away the jet washer
What was the name of that shop up the top of Shirley high street that used to sell air rifles to the under aged? Is it still there?
The tight arse bastards will not purchase me a sunbed. So I have had to fabricate my own out of 12 mm stainless steel fittings and tube and 8mm white rope. What the idiots on the beach do not realise is that the parts used are much more expensive than if they had just bought me a plastic sunbed.
I have worked out the cost of this sunbed and it is at the last purchase of the material $1233.31 
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