I am happy in my new rooâŠ
Its only fault is the window is beoken and doesnât open.
I could live with that.
They served hard boiled eggs russian salad ham & white bread for dinner.
3 x hard boiled eggs.
Sigh
Thatâll bung you up nicely. Just what you needed, eh? 
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Internet messages that say its going to rain in the Philippines.
It rains every day just some is heavier than the rest.
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Eggs again Iâll be bound.
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Edinburgh airport, check in open at 08:50, weâre 4th in the queue, 1 desk. Luggage label printer stops working. 30 mins later weâre through to security. 20 mins later take whiskey miniatures out of hold luggage, still in packaging, but no, have to take them out and put them in plastic bag. 15 minutes later sitting at departure gate, 80 minutes after check-in openedâŠ
Why do Australians wear shorts on airplanes?
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I saw a YouTube about how insanely unhealthy that is exposing your bits to the seats that are never cleanedâŠ
Post just delivered. Playoff Final ticket has still not arrived
Your request for a replay has not been accepted.
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Absolutely spot on from this guy.
SSA© approved.
No mow May
You fucking lazy council bastards l, like you give a shit about bees, more like to can save a few quid on mowing
And itâs playing bloody havoc with my hayfever. I thought I had grown out of it but no, there it was in the background waiting for some idle cunt not to mow the verges
On a serious point, I used to be a bit asthmatic as a kid because of my hayfever - wonder how the kids are dealing with it these days
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They have dedicated therapists, a Hayfever Pride flag, equal rights for allergy sufferers, and a witch-hunt against pollen.
When I was a kid, nobody had asthmaâŠjust runny noses.
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Fucking car insurance companies! (Spoiler - this story has a happy ending).
Someone backed into our car in a car park. Driver admitted responsibility, no problems with our insurance.
They sent a bloke round to examine to damage, and give insurers an estimate for the âcosmeticâ repairs - a small dent and a few scratches.
The visit by the blokey raised concerns in our minds - comments like âyouâll need a new doorâ - quizzical looks from me and her (both of us thinking no we wonât. Follow up to quizzical looks - âwell, we might be able to get a second hand one, but weâll have to paint it, so it will cost the same.â No it wonât, we think with more quizzical looks.
Off he goes, apparently has an accident and breaks his foot, so we donât hear anything for several weeks - no big deal, because the car is drivable, and there is no structural damage.
Insurers eventually get back to us, and say the estimate for repairs is ÂŁ2,700, so they are going to write the car off.
Now go to little pleasures.
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My fucking car - again - I thought that running the car longer than the usual 4 years would be the âcheapâ option - yeah right. ÂŁ1200 for discs and pads says otherwise
And the dickheads at the garage plugged in the diagnostic machine and didnât disconnect it properly so I woke up to a flat battery
The AA have taken to parking up at the end of our road
I thought it unusual that my daughter didnât send me a Fathersâ Day card. Here is her explanation:
I sent you a fatherâs day card from me in the post, did you get it? One from Dylan from Moonpig. Anyway, Iâve just read a post on FB by my local councillor advising that the bloody post box was STOLEN the same day I posted it, so if you donât have your card thatâs why. Who the hell (and how the hell) steals a sodding postbox?! 
Whatâs a Moonpig?
Like a Clanger but doesnt eat soup
Ah the old âThe Post Box was stolenâ story. 
You can laugh, but there were at least thirty letters from me in that very postbox enclosing cheques in payment for goods and services rendered. And the intended recipients seem wholly sceptical about the theft of said box. 
We live in cynical times. 