Is that on its way to the Monkeychicken Petting Zoo?
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Feckin lightening taking out the internet in Cobham and Virgin Meeja saying it wonât be back until late tomorrow afternoon.
Have spent the afternoon with my laptop tethered to my mobile. Shite signal in this area so itâs like going back to dial up modem speed. 
#firstworldproblems
Weâve just updated to Virgin 360 last evening.
We have two boxesâŚone in the Great Hall and the other in the East Wing. I sent Chambers to reboot the East Wing box while I carried out the conversion in the Great Hall.
Everything went well for me and the box converted perfectly. Chambers however reported back that the box in the East Wing was making strange gurgling noises. Having spent several attempts to reboot I phoned our engineer in Mumbai. After several threats to throw the box into the ornamental lake he has promised to send a local representative on Saturday to sort out our problem.
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So Internet is back on in Cobham Towers - I strongly suspect Virginâs timeline of late tomorrow afternoon is so they can record that officially but then show they recovered service over 19 hours earlier than expected.
Sly cnuts 
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Itâs called âmanaging customers expectationsâ no point saying itâll be on by 17:00 and then it doesnât come on until 17:30, youâd be screaming for a refund if that happenedâŚ
Basil, youâre forgetting the code you arranged with Chambers. âReboot the East Wing boxâ is an instruction to strangle a wayward servant, and his reply of âitâs gurgling, Milordâ confirms that heâs done it.
He probably assumed you meant the recently impregnated young seamstress. Heaven only knows who was responsible for that unfortunate occurrence. 
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DamnâŚsomeone talked. 
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Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck! Whoever plans our lives deals out some cynical, callous shit.
My mate who has spent the last 4 months in hospital after a stroke, on the verge of being released home next week, had another stoke yesterday in the General. Heâs now back in Neuro intensive care and is on a ventilator as he not able to breath on his own. Back to the start point again. 
That doesnât belong in the little annoyances - it needs âthe world is a fucking cuntâ thread
Drunk Ayatollah shopping - that is all
Does that mean you are shopping for a drunk Ayatollah.?
I take it you have gone to Dubai and are in the seedier parts of town
Heâs drinking his way around Spain. As far as I can tell, sobriety is right at the bottom of the To Do list.
Attempting to register for the bare minimum possible State Pension and discovering I do not exist and cannot prove my Identity to UK Gov as I do not have a UK credit card or a Driving Licence.
Oh yes they say - use the App -
Nope My phone doesnât have NFC
I feel your pain. We still have not managed to verify my wifeâs ID to get her a tax account with HMRC despite her having paid tax in the UK for over 40 yrs as, being Irish, she does not have a UK passport and the computer HMRC cannot talk to the DVLA computer
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Call the helpline it saysâŚ
0800 number only.
So now gonna try find a phone with NFC to download tgecID App onto or ask daughter to call themâŚ
Iâve had the same problem trying to prove my ID on the HMRC app - put in details of driving licence and passport as requested and I get the message saying the ID info entered isnât correct.
Most other sites would highlight which bits needed correcting, but no HMRC says try again⌠you have 2 of your remaining 4 attempts left.
Cnuts
Have given up
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If only i had a driving licence to enterâŚ
Think im gonna have to shave the beard off to match my passport photo and buy a new phone
You dont need to as you can link your passport picture you have now to your driving licence. On the website it asks if you want to use your passport picture
If you can get that far 
Brexit rules.
I need a Polish Driving Licence.
They took the UK one in order to issue it