Trying to get into the car when Mrs SOG has borrowed it only to find I cant because the seat is still jammed right up under the steering wheel. When I finally get the seat sorted and drive off I then have to retune the frickin radio because she has changed the channel!!! Grrrrrrrr. Oh yes, and she never turns off the seat warmer so after a couple of minutes I have a fried arse even in warm weather.
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Thatâs pretty standard!
The holy trinity of annoyances is to turn the key and find that the wipers, the heater and the stereo have all been left on full blast.
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Mosquitoes
little fuckers have just turned up again i fucking hate the little muderess bastards.
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Got stung by one of them a few years ago, in the middle of winter, up in the loft when i was rummaging for something and put my hand on it. Fucking painful.
Ouch.
Never been stung âup in the loftâ before.
Been bitten there a few times, mind.
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Oh, youâve met Young Adult Cobham #1 then?
Bloody hell, why couldnât we get a crap club. Oh well, at least we will probably be on tv. Bloody cup draws!
Well Arse are good at scoring in extra time and weâre good at giving goals away in extra time. I predict squeaky bum timeâŚassuming we can actually beat Norwich thoughâŚ
Mrs Brown has been given a new show on Saturday nights on BBC. Why?
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Because the BBC canât come up with anything better (that wasnât a compliment about Mrs Brown btw)
Sadly the popularity of Mrs Brownâs Boys and The Sun tells you all you need to know about the average UK resident.
A simpleton thatâll believe anything?
Thank fuck i will never achieve average. Something to be proud of at last 
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When youâre in a long queue at the post office and you realise that the twat at the counter hasnât come prepared :-
What should I put my passport application in?
A secure envelope will do!
Do you have one?
Yes, let me get you one!
Right thanks, it also says I need a stamped addressed envelope if I want my passport back, what size envelope will I need?
One that fits your passport!
Do you have any?
Yes on the shelf over there!
OK, Iâll just go get oneâŚOK can I have a stamp for the envelope? Wait, do I have to write my address on the stamped adddressed envelope?
Yes maâam otherwise you wonât get your passport back!
OK, do you have a pen? Thanks? (writes address) Right these all need to go in this secure envelope right?
Yes
Whatâs the address I need to send it to?
Itâs on the passport application formâŚ
(spends 10 minutes finding the addres then starts writing address on secure envelope thing) Oh damn, I messed up, can I have a new envelope?
Yes, Iâm going to have to charge you for it!
Really but I didnât use the other one!!
Yes you did, it canât be used again as you started writing the address on itâŚ
Oh, OK, not happy butâŚ
â
I got the other counter at this point, brought my first class stamp and walked outâŚ
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You should be more patient with us pensioners BobâŚweâve put the years inâŚwe deserve your respect.
Just stand there and STFU.
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As you get older you realise that this is just a huge wind-up, itâs the way old people have their fun.
Emergency stops on the pavement, sudden changes of direction, dithering in shop doorways, they are doing it to amuse themselves.
Why else would they go to supermarkets at the weekend and shuffle about getting in the way? - they are just laughing at you!
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why is everyone assuming its an old person in the story? It could have been someone with learning difficulties that BTripz was getting all shirty with.
Law of averages - whenever you go into a post office you are blinded by the blue rinse
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Nope, wasnât one of the blue rinse brigade, nearly but not quite.
Well I havenât got a blue rinse but there is some truth what RB says. Iâve been trying to get my mates to buy second-hand mobility scooters. None of us need them yet but you have to admit, they do look a lot of fun and everybody knows the havoc they cause when a group of them go to the pub together.
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This is why we have strict gun laws.
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