Makes me think of âA fire? At a Seaparks?!â
You actually read that shit?
Youâve got two choices to explain whatâs going on.
-
You are Garry Sparrow, it is October last year and youâre having an affair with a barmaid.
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Iâve had my hands down Optimus Trousersâ boxer shorts.
You need to go to page 2046 (or greater) to catch the latest news.
At least I now know when Kelvin is signing the book that the Echo described as the best 1,000 games since the MillenniumâŚ
At airport waiting for flight home. Little kid no more than 4 or 5 accidentally bumped his mums hand and she dropped her precious iPhone and it broke.
Mum goes completely apeshit at the little nipper who was already in tears & trying to say sorry. This is in front of absolutely everyone in the departure lounge. Kid is absolutely inconsolable - Mum is more worried about the phone & spending her time telling him how stupid and useless he isâŚ
Some people shouldnât be allowed to have kids.
I
Or iPhones
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No joking, years ago went to Ibiza for a week, it rained like the end of days for the first 5 of them. On the 6th day we decided to go to the local water park, it was closed because it was flooded!!
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A Premier league match where 5 different ex Saints players scoreâŚgrrrrr.
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Avoiding the scores for six hours, only to find that the machine that was very clearly set to record, isnât friggin taping!
I go to live tv to check why not and they say, well, thatâs the two games from today covered, now letâs show you stuff you already knowâŚ
I now see that I missed the game of the weekend.
I just need Brian Glover following me around town telling me the scores and the day is complete.
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Upvote for the Likely Lads reference there.
Originally posted by @cobham-saint
At airport waiting for flight home. Little kid no more than 4 or 5 accidentally bumped his mums hand and she dropped her precious iPhone and it broke.
Mum goes completely apeshit at the little nipper who was already in tears & trying to say sorry. This is in front of absolutely everyone in the departure lounge. Kid is absolutely inconsolable - Mum is more worried about the phone & spending her time telling him how stupid and useless he isâŚ
Some people shouldnât be allowed to have kids.
Crap parents do my head in as well. Iâm not holding myself up as anything special on that front. I maintain that no-one really knows what theyâre doing with their first kid, but what most parents should get is that immediate new set of priorities. Most parental problems come from not having them right, your example included, the heartmelting tale of a womanâs love for an iPhone trumped proper consideration of her child.
That irks me too, although I usually call it Nought to Screaming. Itâs annoying, because its loud and ultimately counterproductive. The minute screaming fails to work, many of them are onto cuffing their kids.
Donât like micromanagers that think their kids are naughty when they are, in fact, just kids. The missus and I got very wound up with the parents of two young boys who seemed to believe their kids were hellspawn incarnate, when they were just exploring their new environment (hiding under their brekkie table, for example) .
Dislike people that get annoyed at other peopleâs kids when they arenât really misbehaving. If I see a couple looking uncomfy because people are pulling dirty looks at their kids for noise or antics, I make a point of going over, telling them âDonât worry about any noise your kids are making. I remember having young kids too. Theyâre not bothering us.â, rather loudly, so all the sad bastards that are getting uppity can hear,
âMy kid can do no wrong.â. Oh really? Both of mine can, and sometimes do. Wake up.
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Nothing makes you more patient with other kids than your own grandkids.
I spent a decade tutting at any child that spoke in my presence or that made any noise beyond about 10 decibels.
Now I find myself requesting a dustpan or apologising to pub staff for the carnage left behind at the end of a meal out.
With that new status comes a more relaxed attitude to other peopleâs kids.
Unless they are well out of orderâŚ
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When you discover that the people sat behind you at SMS has not renewed their season tickets and some other gob shite know-all bell end has moved in. Eighteen more games to go 
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Moles - fucking bastards. Lawn is now more pimply that a teenager.
War has been declared. The geneva convention can kiss my arse. This will be a battle to the death.
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Itâs well known fact that you can visit any football ground in the world and you will always be within five metres of a gobshite know-all bell end.
But to have them right behind is unfortunate.
And the general rule is that if you look around and there isnât one within five metres - itâs you.
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Jasper Carrot has a good experience with moles you need to check it out before reverting to dynamiting the poor blind fuckers
When you strain a calf badly enough to leave the pitch and hobble for a couple of days, but after a week of rest you recover and play again - and it feels good and is great for ten minutes!..until it goes without warning and you are back at square one.
Injuries. 
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Typical Amazon âSorry this seller does not deliver to the Philippinesâ its Ok we dont have moles 
Companies being allowed to trademark common words and phrases:
Specsavers seeks to trademark âshouldâveâ catchphrase
Apparently, Carlsberg trademarked âprobablyâ 
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When your anxiety flares up and stops you sleepingâŚ
âŚand then being tired causes your anxiety to flare up.
'kin awesome cycle of shiteness.
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