So I’ve been told, Bender 
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Jesus.
So it’s summer. This happens ffs!
Stop panicking.
Oh stupid me.
Of course snowflakes are panicking.
Duh…
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…and relax…
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EasyJet.
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Flying atm.
Nightmare.
Mrs P_F was so busy sending dumb silly face messages that she dropped the Duty Free bag & smashed the craft Vodka I bought for my mate at the bottom of the steps.
Delayed boarding while the glass was picked up.
Land at STN no ground cree.
E gate rejects me 25 mins queueing for 1 desk open.
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now tell me there is no Brexit dividend 
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The delay will be “for reasons beyond their control” so no €200 compensation either
Probably true 
The neighbours have got on my wick this week
They own a very loud shouty teenage son - he is an only child ivf - so he is far more precious than anything on this earth and we could’nt possibly do anything to upset him
The shit (as he is known in chez cb) plays football in their garden and occasionally the odd ball sails over
We have said in the past if we are not in just pop round the back and get it
However he has now translated that into having the carte Blanche right just to jump over our fence without so much as a by your leave
Anyway after the third occasion yesterday, I may have intervened and told him that he might want to consider that his actions could be construed as a bit rude
Well the shit obviously got the message because half an hour later his dad turned up on the doorstep asking why I had bollocked his son
I suggested he may want to consider who had the whip hand in this situation and unless his son had an unlimited supply of balls he might want to learn some manners.
On the upside I have saved myself a Christmas card, plus there is blissful silence as both the shit’s balls are on my lawn and he hasn’t got the bottle to come round to get them
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Ah, the good old neighbour feud
Why not ramp it up a bit by disputing who owns the boundary on that side? You could suggest it’s in the wrong place, or perhaps that they should either fork out for a new fence if it’s theirs, or split the cost with you if it’s yours.
Then there’s always Leylandii. 
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I have already moved a spikey log just into his landing zone
I am also considering planting sloes down there
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Ah the trusty old Blackthorn.
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We had some 5ft panels blown down earlier this year and the neighbour kept banging on about me getting them replaced (my boundary & we got let down by original fencing company).
The garden is on a slope so a bit of the original fencing was cut to so there was a level line of fencing so the neighbours got a nice view of surrounding woods and hills from their patio.
Got sick of him moaning and got 6ft panels plus 15cm barge boards uncut and stepped to follow the slope of the garden for the whole run of fencing. Some of it is now effectively c7 ft plus - higher than what was there before
Also got the firm to leave in place the shitty rotten panels he’d put up against some of the original fencing.
Good thing is we get more privacy and they don’t get a nice view from their patio (heard his missus moaning at him)
Petty & childish? Absolutely! 
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Now mount some trellis and send up some mile-a-minute clematis- that will fuck him
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Mrs C_S was with me with the fencing but stopped short of sanctioning the trellis idea.
She’s open to planting quick growing shrubs in aesthetically pleasing parts of the fence line, which also happen to be in direct line of their upstairs views. She can be nasty at times.
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Whenever I move somewhere, or new people move in next to me, I play this song at full blast.
Between this and my freakish appearance, I very rarely get any trouble.
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A cracking finale to the golf and my son wants dad taxi…
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