Unlucky CB. Reminds me of a mate who got tanked up on his first night of hols and spent the majority of the next day asleep on the beach only to discover when he woke up heād had the top of his tummy banana poking out of his speedos as heād had a boner whilst in the land of nod. Sunburn all over including the underside of his helmet which had a nasty blister on it. And a little helmet shaped white bit above his speedo line.
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Poncy hotels that think 100% linen bed sheets are the way forward. Have you ever tried putting stiff linen against sunburnt skin? I would be better off sleeping under sandpaper.
I have a feeling that most things are going to irritate me today
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Iām always on the lookout for practical solutions.
BA check in - just had a mare getting bags dropped off as the new system has crashed worldwide again. T5 must be a fucking nightmare
Pap - not your dodgy code I trust?
Nope, although the seats you sat on were made from parts that were ordered by a part of my brain, crystallised in code form
Measuring quality on the seats would also be my thing.
People with those stupid tow behind hand cases that have no awareness that their footprint now extends three foot behind them. Combine that with them staring into the phone ā¦aaarrrggghhh
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They had better sort that out before I am at T5 this weekend 
. Actually sod that, I am going to boost the european economy by travelling without any bags at all and buying it all when I arrive.
Or stealing it.
I like spotting those people at airports who vaguely understand that their case has wheels, but they drag it along the wrong way round - with the wheels in the air and the top of the case scraping at the ground.
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CB sooner or later youāre going to have to accept youāre not cut out for foreign travelā¦just stay in blighty. No nasty sunburn, no nasty linen sheets (just tacky nylon changed once a week in a run-down B&B) no baggage check-in and reclaim and no cabin baggage trip hazards.
You know it makes sense. 
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Smart arses. I fucking hate smart arses
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As long as you didnāt burn your bum cheeks, then your arse would smart!
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Why do some old ladies go all poisonous and vindictive?
Some old men get miserable, but old ladies go looking for vendettas.
But theyāll die soon so hey-ho. 
ā¦but do they. Your tax contributions are helping prolong their lives. Just saying.
No - I gave HMRC a shortlist of people who I donāt want resuscitated at my expense.
Iām still waiting to hear back from themā¦
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Thatās going to take more civil servants than the Brexit extraction team. We just donāt have the manpower to experdite an answer before several hundred-thousand congratulatory birthday cards from her Majesty.
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Trying to get off a train, and someone attempting to get on will insist on being in the way. Just wait for people to get off, it takes 5 seconds.
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I find the same is true when youāre at an orgy. It does get quite irritating.
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A woman who was caught doing 51 mph in a 40 mph zone through roadworks outside Dover has had her charge overturned because apparently the temporary speed limit was not properly implemented. Many others could now get off. The woman has been on TV and the radio talking about her case and is obviously very pleased that she has beaten The Man. Seems to me though that temporary speed restrictions are put in place for safely measures and even if the limit wasnt correctly done in terms of the paper work, the women still went through a sections of roadworks at a speed in excess of what was deemed safe. Isnt that the main issue rather than the council messing up their paperwork?
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I fucking hate this loophole shit - the judge should be able to say, ādespite the fact the paperwork was incorrectly filled out, you were breaking the law, therefore here are your penaly points and Ā£3k fine to cover court costsā
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Sometimes theyāre bollocks tho. Iāve been driving back and forth along the A14 for ages cos of work Birmingham, and for months thereās been a section of dual carriageway restricted to 40 mph. Thereās no roadworks, but theyāve put a sign up explaining saying ā40mph due to incomplete central barrierā.
What annoys me bout that, is anyone who knows highway code knows that even if there is no central barrier at all, the speed limit can still be 60 mph. So I simply ignore it. Theyāve got average speed cameras up but i donāt think theyāre working, cos I aināt had ticket yet.