😠 The Little Annoyances Of Everyday Life (Part 1)

Monkey Tennis
6065

If it makes you feel any better I have killed a huge number of wasps in my lifetime, I would conservatively estimate around 3000. Highlights include*:

Swatting one out of the air with a badminton racket when I was about 9, it hurtled across the garden straight into a spider’s web who promptly wrapped it up and gave it a couple of of good fang jabs to the brain stem.

In Greece I found a nice fat mantis, we called him Monty and we set him up in a pint glass behind the bar, many a hapless wasp would be stunned and placed in the pint glass arena to be quickly dispatched and eaten face first by Monty, I think by the time he escaped he had eaten around 20 or so. He was a good mantis and was sorely missed.

I once punched one out of the air, Bruce Lee style, and dispatched him with a flying heel to the face, making appropriate Bruce Lee noises throughout.

Hope that makes you feel suitably avenged.

*Only one of these tales of mighty conquest has been slightly exaggerated.

6066

If I didn’t love you already, Rat’s, I most certainly do now.

6067

Tosh and piffle.

Now if you were talking hornets…them’s big bad fuckers.

6068

Just wait till he tries to punch the one that’s in your shorts. :open_mouth:

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6069

Please refrain from describing my heroic achievements as ‘tosh and piffle’.

And no one is stupid enough to take on a hornet, they are the Chuck Norris of winged bastards.

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6070

I remember waking up one night to a loud buzzing that sounded like the Luftwaffe were back in town.

Turned the lamp on to see a hornet buzzing around the bedroom. Both the Ayatollah and I vacated at speed (bowels and bedroom)

Then we stood outside the bedroom door in the middle of the night wondering whatbthe fuck we were supposed to do. The Ayatollah solved the conundrum by giving me a towel and shoving me back in there.

Horrible

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6071

Hornets my dear chaps are not inherently aggressive despite being the largest of the wasp genus. They will leave you alone if you don’t bother them. I walk past a nest of them most days…not been harassed by one yet.

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6072

Yes, but CB’s wife made him take a shower with one.

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6073

She is evil

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6074

What was the towel for? :face_with_monocle:

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6075

Super absorbent.

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6076

Ah yes, for all the piss, tears and blood, that makes sense.

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6077

Wipe up the mess when I shat myself

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6078

Apparently if you annoy one they secrete a pheromone or something that the rest of the nest home in on…just sayin’.

6079

Have you hacked Polski Phil’s account?

6080

I feel offended by that but I’m not quite sure why :face_with_monocle:

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6081

That would be my worst nightmare.

6082

I was cutting the front garden one day when I disturbed a wasp nest that i didn’t know was there i got stung by a few wasps, 4 under my left eye, 3 or 4 under my t-shirt around my left breast and a few on my leg.

I’m not allergic to wasp stings as far as I am aware but I certainly felt like crap for a day or two afterwards.

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6083

Wasps?
Pah humbug.
Wait until you get 5 Horsefly bites on the same part of your leg.
Wasp is Shock & Awe in comparison to 5 days of ARRRRGGGHHH & no skin left

6084

:wink:

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