Donât wear Chinos or other light coloured trousers when visiting a strip club as the fake tan on the strippers arse will rub off onto your lap after theyâve provided a âprivateâ dance and you will get sussed when your other half does your laundry.
Fucks sake.
The office kitchen, which is just a microwave, fridge, sink and kettle in our office. I sit very close to it. This means that the stinky cheese one of my colleagues has brought in recently knocks out half the office when anyone opens the fridge door. She is oblivious to the fact itâs utterly rank. She eats it twice a day. We even put it in a sealed container but she didnât get the hint. Then bought more. Add to this the ants the other week making their way to fridge. That caused my colleagues to go a bit weird. Theyâre all scared of ants!
Can I retire now at 40 please.
Iâm just gonna heat up the remnants of last nightâs garlic/curry combo and fill the office with putrid odoursâŚ
Says the man who has avoided offices for thirty years.
But thatâs how I imagine it.
Nailed it. Someone in the last office used to eat a putrid smelling fish dish. The top managers had banned the microwave from our side of the building but people headed to kitchen area with their delightful smelling lunches.
The bastard who always puts the milk carton back in the fridge when it only has two drips of milk in it. Instead of putting it in the bin which is situated on the other side of the bloody room.
Should be shot at dawn.
oh, and I canât be arsed to wash up so Iâll just leave my shit all over the kitchen for some other fucker to clear up.
Having to sign into my work computer with a password every 20 mins if a button is not pressed or a mouse clicked due to cyber security.
what is worse if having to sign in to individual programs with passwords if they are open but not being used for 20 mins.
I spend half my working hours putiing in passwords which are now so long and complicated they have to be written down and left next to the bloody computer so you can input then correctly.
Cyber security. read the list to the left of the PC for any access you want 
passwords are cunts. I would like to have Same Password for all the dumb work websites I have to use, but they each have completely different rules i.e. number of characters, some must have numbers, some must have Capitals, some must have $ymbols that it is fkin Impossible
I find that âP@55wordâ covers most bases
OhâŚ
youâd think, but then you find some of the cunt sites donât allow symbols ffs, and others make me change the password every 2 weeks ffs and you canât have one youâve had before ffs ffs ffs
Pa55word1 is good then just change the number when required after you get to 9 you can revert back to 1 because most sites will not allow you to have the same password within 5 changes.
Thatâs the same person as the stinky cheese. She claims she does it. She doesnât.
You are a pranksterâs dream.
Bloke at work used to leave his computer unlocked. Unbeknownst to him, he tweeted things like âI enjoy a nice black penis in the morning, and one before bedâ.
He didnât even know he was gay 
Learn to type, and learn to make Win-L the first thing you do before leaving any communal space.
Better than leaving your shit all over your bollocks
You never leave it there, dear boy. Please wash it off next time.
while we are on the subject of cyber security, forget all of that hacking nonesense, just get a job in a mortgage brokers.
They have cabinets full of peopleâs details, right down to passports, pay slips and bank details - a complete ID theft kit.
And the punters are so desperate for their mortgage that theyâll supply the serial number of their grandmotherâs fridge if it helps.
So keep on changing passwords all you want, but never apply for a mortgageâŚ
Being bullied into submission on papsweb 
Ian Bell.
Ian Bell is extremely annoying.
Itâs bad enough that he is shit and always fucks up for England, leaving us in the shit.
Itâs even worse that he suddenly decides to smash 174 runs against Hampshire.
I fucking hate Ian Bell. 
Originally posted by @Jack-Schitt
Ian Bell.
Ian Bell is extremely annoying.
Itâs bad enough that he is shit and always fucks up for England, leaving us in the shit.
Itâs even worse that he suddenly decides to smash 174 runs against Hampshire.
I fucking hate Ian Bell end.
Fixed it for you
Originally posted by @PhilippineSaint
Originally posted by @Jack-Schitt
I fucking hate Ian Bell end.
Fixed it for you
Thank you kindly sir.