Old age
fuck it is happening
Yeah which is all fine but down here there is this minor issue called loosenessā¦
Think it is the water, but you really donāt want to be sticking anything in the general area below the blow hole so to speak as you never knowā¦ It takes about 3 days of being home for normal service to be resumedā¦
And as for scraping up the deposit - no, just no.
The Doc would start questioning me about my Clorox habit or something
Apologies.
Didnāt intend to turn this into another Bum Wiping advice thread.
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After my vasectomy, i had a series a samples that i had to give and had to deliver them within a short while of producing said sample. This sounds good in theory, but is not so good in practice.
Having convinced Mrs Numpty that i was instructed by my kindly GP to expel as much manfat as possible in the months following my operation, i looked forward to the large number of sexual adventures the little white lie I had told had paved the way for. Tee Hee, naughty old Numpty!
However, the reality was far from erotic heaven. Half=hearted handjobs whilst she played with the ipad were the norm and trying to fire the yoghurt gun into the tiny sample pot provided by the hard up NHS proved more difficult than it seemed, often with spillages and misses, more seemed to end up on the iPad than in the pot.
But the real probelm lay when i had to deliver the sample to a ward at the General. It kind of went like this; Shoot load into pot, quick shower, race up to the General, walk into general with pot of wank in pocket, deliver to nurse in ward as quickly as possible. I would then be questioned. How long since you produced this? About half an hour ago. the look of disgust that i got was wholly unwarranted, i thought. I was only following orders! I felt like a real pervert.
Still, itās not as bad as the tale my old boss told me once about his time giving a sample whilst he was being investigated, many years ago, for infertility problems. He swears he was shown into a room with a selection of top shelf magazines available to aid a relaxed gentlemans time. However, he said they were like jazz mags from his youth and whilst tugging away, he forgot he wasnāt in a clinical booth, but magically transported back to his teenage bedroom. As the vinegars approached he opened the magazine at Zeta the Witch who was an old favourite and proceded to dump his load all over the magazine instead on into the wank pot! Suddenly aware of his surroundings, he quickly picked up the magazine a tipped the fluid into his sample pot before handing it over leaving a copy of Fiesta unusable for the next chap in the room.
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Ahh Zeta returns like an old friend
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Working all weekend and past midnight last night to hit a deadline, only for said deadline to be pushed back the next morning.
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I had reports like that and then nobody reads them anyway
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Gotta be said.
Ryanair
Fuckers just cancelled the return flight of friends who are coming to Sofia for my birthday and are acting like cnuts as they try get a refund/compensation so they can Rebook on a reliable airline
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Going on a software course and finidng that little feature that theyāve just introduced that will make your work life 500% better.
Then getting back to the office and finding that the feature hasnāt been implemented properly and you have to jump through hoops to use it.
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Ahhh
The old IT vision vs reality scenario
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Imho delly alley needs a fucking good kicking.
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Uhmā¦ I reckon Khadeira has more rigt to get pissed off being rated only the same a deli
Loved Alliās comment, and I quote:
āIām going to refuse to play with myself until Iām a bit more realisticā
Presumably heās got someone else whoāll loosen his love custard for him then?
Throwing acid in peopleās faces. WTF is that all about? There are some seriously fucked up people walking the streets of this country.
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Itās the new weapon in gang āwarfareā. Found with a knife on you and youāll get some time in prison. Up until recently getting caught with a bottle of liquid on you wouldnāt have been problem. Most acid attacks were likely to come under the awfully named āhonour basedā violence.
Last night I remember seeing on BBC website a breaking news on this item. Now not on the first page of news as itās likely to be gang kids. Through my work I know there are young males in gangs hanging out there and exploiting young females. So much stuff we donāt see whilst we are too busy shopping.
The British Press.
Yesterday Spartak Moscow played Liverpool in Moscow.
Spartak scored first and then Liverpoool equalized.
The press.
Liverpool held by Spartak.
No it was the other way around Spartak were held by Liverpool.
If Liverpool scored first yes Ok but With the Home team scoring first and then being pegged back by the away opposition they were held.
Aaaaghg
Winnie the Pooh American style has a Beaver in it
WTF can they not leave anything as per the original.
NB I didnāt like the Beaver.
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Booking leave at work. Itās nice to have the time off but I have been expected to see everyone this week within a timescale of 5 days. Thatās 13 kids who are at different schools. Plus their parents. I am also expected to run out on urgent visits. Not sure how I am many to be in two places at once. 5pm cannot come soon enough. Though knowing my luck Iāll get an urgent visit.
When some knob comes to your house to measure up and advise about curtains and then tells you it will cost near on Ā£4000 to do the house. Oh do fuck off!