Thatās a Sotonians show in the making.
KRG, travelling around London, mocking people on public transport.
āFellow Travellersā
Channel 5, I reckon.
Originally posted by @lifeintheslowlane
Fuckinā stupid woman on local village FB page. Announcesā¦Warning: man with black and white dog tried to entice childen with sweets" in said village. āThanks for thatā I sayā¦āIām a man and I walk a black and white dog in the village, like another dozen menā
Donāt you have any more detailsā¦a better description, like how old, tall, short, medium heightā¦dog, black and white Chihuahua or a Great Dane, where did it occur in the village, has anyone contacted the Policeā¦have you contacted the Police???
Um no, thatās all I was told but some men went out to have a look for him. Great! Iād advise any man who walks his black and white dog around the village should stay indoors for the next 3 weeks or run the risk of getting beaten to a pulp by a vigilante posse of irate under-informed men.
āOh alright I delete this thenā
"Donāt bother itās already been shared by another 120 idiots
This kind of stuff on social media is so tiresome. I saw someone suggest someone was eletrocuted at hte fair the other week. It wasnāt true but the misinformation just kept going. Having worked in a team that would recieve info on dodgy people following children i would be able to work out what was fiction and at times suggest people check with their local police news to see if it was true.
Pap TBH that sounds like you have a serious problem with the operation of your anal sphincter.
It should open wide and loose whist a particularly watery shit is expelled so that the fluid passes straight down.
and should close hard and tight against a solid bomb to release it to its watery grave in a swft motion that allows almost clean access to the area that requires wiping.
failing the above you should go have have your cavity looked into.
Before I spend all that money on arse doctors, could you try the following?
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Order spiciest food you can.
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Get fucking wellied.
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Tell me if your toilet experience the next morning is in anyway āregularā.
I specified up front that it was an occasional thing, even went to the trouble of introducing the concept in (what Iād hoped was) a humorous way. Iām still trying to do that now.
If you want to make a big thing of my shit, sniff away. Personally, I just open a window and warn people if the fallout is particularly toxic.
1, have done.
2, have done.
3 Define regular, I have 1 Guinness and the consistancy of my shit will change along with the colour.
Do you have a colour and hardness chart availble for comparisons.
We could add this into the Fat Fuckers weight loss thread to ensure people donāt kill themselves with the diets and exercise regimes that they are on?
Shit threads
Big fucking annoyance is āthe wait is almost overā ads everywhere on BBC for fucking schoolboy car wank fantasy show
Script: (have a load of dopey car fuckwits stand around in an old aircraft hanger)
Ginger cunt: today we will drive lots of fast cars really fast around a track - this is cool (giggles inanely)
Joey: yay
Ginger cunt: then we will show you what we filmed in the summer doing more infantile shite in cars
Joey: yay
Ginger cunt: then we will repeat the joke about how all hate caravans
Joey: fuck yeah (beeped)
Repeat ad nauseum
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Top Gear used to be like the Bullingdon Club on four wheels, now itās going to be like kidsā TV.
Then again it is aimed at 14-year-olds so I shouldnāt expect anything different.
How long before the BBCās ginger one is interviewing himself, promoting himself, on a BBC platform?
Sorry pap, but I must say I am completely stumped as to how you can spread shit on your bollocksā¦ And what is worse you fuck is that I now have this image and problem sitting in my brainā¦I think we now need to get The Bear to conduct an experiment with a jar of Nutella.
As as far as I can tell , and to be fair I have not carried out a Barry like research into the subject, you are the only man afflicted with this bollock shit spreading condition
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Itās ok pap. You can wash off the shit with shampoo next time you are wanking 
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He does seem to be somewhat squirming. Thereās obviously more to this than meets the eye, some dark secret that pap is trying to cover up, but Iām not sure I want to know what it is.
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I think we have heard quite enough about papās dark, secret eye.
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Poor pap - innocently sharing his bollock shite spreading affliction in the hope of at least an empathetic good will if not direction on new techniques to avoid said bollock soilingā¦ But he has Miscalculated based on the arsesumption that itās not just him who spreads in this way.
The moral question we all face dear fellow sotonians is do we laugh, or laugh and continue to take the piss at every opportunity in a forum bully / bollock shite victim way?
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I think we can conclude that pap has bollocks like industrial sized Bovril jars and has little choice but to subject them to at least a smear of bum gravy every time he shits.
Meh. Itās come up before plenty of times when my mates and I have been trying to convince women that they donāt such have a hard time of life. Think of my tale anyway you will, but just remember. youāre talking a bloke that has asked, quite earnestly, if āyouāve ever wiped shit on your bollocks, loveā.
There arenāt that many scientific papers on the Internet covering the subject, sadly.
Great thread.
What have we learned?
'slowlane is 12-1 to be a paedophile. (Iād have given longer odds on Rolf Harris).
pap has comically large hands, webbed fingers and an alcohol intolerance akin to an Australian aborigine (or me).
Londoners think that everyone else will react empathetically to their tales of the 43 second delays that befall them during the day.
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Originally posted by @saintbletch
Great thread.
What have we learned?
'slowlane is 12-1 to be a paedophile. (Iād have given longer odds on Rolf Harris).
pap has comically large hands, webbed fingers and an alcohol akin to an Australian aborigine (or me).
Londoners think that everyone else will react empathetically to their tales of the 43 second delays that befall them during the day.
Thanks for that Bletch. Itās a bit like the update on the Chain 4 word love letter to Baz and Louā¦can you update this every day? 
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All Iām saying is that if I were a paedophile, running scared from locals who were closing in on him, Iād likely post about it on Facebook or sotonians.com. Itās classic deflection.
Iām going to think twice about shaking your hand if we ever meet in person. Iād sooner shake papās hand, and thatās saying something.
Have a carefully planned day where everything has to go like clockwork if you are going to be able to do everything, only to find that within five minutes the whole plan is in the shitter, because the Ayatollah has a completely different set of priorites that she failed to tell me about
perhaps Pap has just confused genitals with piles?