The trouble is that they canât remember what to say. So any response starts with âErrâ.
When you finish playing football with your mates, and lie down in the grass for 5 minutes to get your breath back and to stop yourself from having a coronary(sic), only to find that the funning leisure centre staff have locked you and your car in the funning car park.
Home now thanks to a very nice man called Pete from the security company.
I can feel a stiffly worded letter coming on from âEmaciated of Eastleighâ.
7 Likes
Not sure I should have up voted that one @saintbletch
Though itâs good to hear you have recovered from your last injury.
Might open a new Bookies thread to take odds on when your next one will be, what sort of injury itâll be this time & the suitably embellished background to how it happened
1 Like
Thanks @cobham-saint
My groin tear miraculously healed itself after @gavstar touched it (from behind) in The Rockstone.
Heâd told me he was a qualified physiotherapist so I let him, but then again he also said he wouldnât come in my mouth.
Bastard.
4 Likes
Shâup bletch. Itâs your own fault for doing stuff.
The alternative, not doing stuff, does not lead to gasping comedic moments like this.
4 Likes
When your world is back to front.
Itâs 48C. Humidity is knocking on 97%.
Youâre driving your car with the Air Con on full blast. You reach the car park at work, open the door and BOOM you are blind.
Yep, over here we NEED to wear sunglasses. When you go OUTSIDE in the summer here your glasses steam up.
Which is of course the exact OPPOSITE of what glasses wearers have happen to them in the Winter in UK - ie go from Cold Outdoors into Warm Pub and BOOM they are blind.
Itâs annoying, we have to takeour shades off and wipe them, which of course then means we are dazzled and seeing black spots for 5 minutes.
Which also reminds us of how much we miss that walking into a Pub in winter moment
1 Like
Oh and of course this. Which I guess is a problem some of you lot may have come across in the past few weeks of summer
3 Likes
Iâm sick of kindly, well meaning, idiot FB friends who send me FUCKINâ Hacker alerts. THEY ARE FAKE⌠Jayden K. Smith will not take over your computer if you accept a friends request from him. 
How do they let these idiots loose on The InternetâŚIâve had the same alert from 8 different people this weekâŚand itâs only TuesdayâŚgive me strength to get through the rest of it. 
5 Likes
Thereâs a website you can check all these fake stuff on. I often gently say to the people who send such stuff that itâs not true and signpost to said website. Helping to educate and hopefully avoid further shares of the fake ones. Little by littleâŚ
1 Like
If you think the general public is annoyingly dim on the internet, you should see the damage their actions can do to TV ratings, newspaper sales, music charts and elections.
3 Likes
Yep Snopes.com should be an inbuilt browser shortcutâŚ
This was MY FB appeal this morningâŚ
"Iâm a patient manâŚnormally but if I get ANOTHER alert about Jayden K. Smith or OLAND DREYER or MATTHIAS DAMBERGER or MARIO SOMMER or FABIAN BERNEDER or FRANK BECKER or VLADIMIR PUTINâŚwell you get the pictureâŚI WILL SCREAMâŚ8 alerts so far this week and itâs only Tuesday!
This is a looooong running HOAXâŚdonât be suckered by the implausible, check alerts hereâŚSnopes.com will put you rightâŚ
http://www.snopes.com/computer/internet/hackermail.asp "
1 Like
I remember that conversation, your recollection is probably a bit hazy as youâd had around a third of a bottle of punk ipa by this point;
Bletch: âYou wouldnât be the type to be all beastly and do a naughty white wee wees in my wordhole would you?â
Me: âI would_nât?â_
When I said âI wouldnâtâ, it wasnât a statement, there was a definite upwards inflection at the end, more a question in disbelief.
Everyone in the bar heard me.
9 Likes
Third of a bottle of Punk IPA @gavstar ? @saintbletch would have been comatose by then wouldnât he?
2 Likes
There is the possibility that someone bought a bottle by mistake, drunk some of it by accident and correctly discarded it, only for it to be subsequently scavenged by bletch.
4 Likes
You know when you contact a few people and no one responds?
I did an urgent job last night for someone and I had to send three URGENT links to people.
One opened it two hours later, a second one opened it FIFTEEN hours later and the third urgent link hasnât been touched.
Hey clients, donât label things urgent when they are clearly not.
2 Likes
dont talk to me about non urgent, urgent and triple urgent. our purchasing dept are meant to order triple urgent spares within 48 hours and then airfreight them from wherever they are to the vessel.
I carried out a six sigma exercise on the delivery times of all three methods and found out it was better to order spares as non urgent, as they would arrive on average 25 days earlier than the triple urgent spares.
fucking purchasing depts three quote system so can only order a part if they get three different quotes somebody doesnât respond so they only have two quotes and the spares dont get ordered. fucking idiots the lot of them.
2 Likes
I saw a physio and they sent a letter to my GP.
The letter took six weeks to cover the 20 milesâŚ
Had they strapped the letter to a wheezy tortoise instead and convinced him to walk for eight hour shifts on weekdays only, he could have knocked off early on Fridays, thrown a sickie to watch Andy Murray, and heâd still have beaten the NHS internal post by a fortnight.
4 Likes
Back breaking _twelve hour _days.
you want to try 12 hour days and the 12 hours that you are meant to be off as being on call for 12 hours for a 28 day stretch.
Along with no refreshment of the alcoholic kind to numb your mind of some of the idiots you have to work with.
Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt.
The trips to the US were pretty much all like that, except they were civilised enough to allow you to drink ( not that it ever helped )