The cloven hooved one's official match thread: The mighty Demons vs the slickly sweet stuff

The cloven hooved one's official match thread: The mighty Demons vs the slickly sweet stuff


OK… apparently, I dont get sacked until we win… :lou_surprised: This is not good news as I am struggling to cope with the pressure and given the number of cunts doing cuntish things in the world right now, its a busy time in the old gathering of souls game. But, I will carry this burden if that be the will of the forum, but I could be here for some time. …

The demons are struggling. I have read and digested much that has been written about why this might be by our ‘experts’.from the balanced few to Bazza’s soaking wet pants crew and I have concluded that thee all know fuck all about football and that the glorious evil satanic one is the only true provider of much needed wisdom and insight into this matter.

We lack cohesion. We have a team that look confused. The abilty is there but we have no collective idea… we are not playing as a team. OK we are not as good at doing this as Brazil in the 2014 WC semi, but we are lacking a certain glue. We are devoid of understanding, we are in the wrong place at the wrong time, the wrong place at the right time, the right place at the wrong time, but never in the right place at the right time. Now Senor Pellegrino needs to take responsibilty for this and sort it out - and to be pretty honest (not something I am usually in favour of - this week’s gag) very, very soon, or else he will find himself having his testicles roasted on an open fire come the annual heathen yuletide festival of greed, gluttony and intoxicated illicit fornication (marvoulous time for me as the ‘sins’ rack up).

Sadly, I can not forecast a victory and suspect a truely inspiringly insipid 0-0


No Koeman for them, no real grudge anymore

0-1 with no shots on target for us and 1 shot on target for them.

The one shot on target will limp weakly past FF who’s ponderous speed means that his left arm will just miss the ball and he’ll watch it nestle gently in the back of the net.


Oh, and it’s on the box, so we’re bound to lose


Fairly depressed about the prospect

Will be nursing a biblical hangover, it probably will be pissing down as well, so a 0-3 will be a fitting cherry on the top of the cake of my accumulated misery.


FFS CB Cheers up dude, could be worse! :lou_lol:

I am intreged by the classification of ‘biblical’ with respect to hangover. Where does it sit between ‘bastard of a’ and ‘complete fucker of a’, on the hangover sacle?


Bollocks… the obese lard arse has been critical of the intellectual and sporting content of this the official match thread,stating that this was ‘full of shit’ - in my defence, I would argue that this is by design to reflect the current performance and/or expected performance of the team.

But for the sporting officiandos, to make a more ‘official’ prediction…

Southampton 0-0 Everton


Season starts here imo think we’ll win comfortable by 2 or 3


If only Josh Sims could play :lou_facepalm_2:


Right now I’d just settle for Forster looking as if he’ played football before

There were 11 saints fans in Barasti Saturday. 8 of them were tourists.

Seems I’m not alone in deciding £10 a pintcaint worth the effort if the manager & players can’ be arsed.

Everton have no strikers we can’ pass to ours. Gonna need a howler penalty decision to have any chance of a shot from either side


Dodgy pen & FF will bicycle kick a back pass into his own net just before the Northam hang themselves from the Itchen Bridge


5-4 goal-fest with us scoring a controversial header in the 97th minute after an injury delay because Redmond smashes his ratty little face into the advertising hoardings.


I’ll be predicting 2-0 wins for us in all future matches, eventually by law of averages I will at some point be right and come on here rubbing all you miserable fuck’s* noses right in it stating how I knew best all along, you just wait and see. I will also keep predicting that Redmond will be scoring all our goals, but your noses might be safer a bit longer on that one.

*Bearsy and TMO consider yourselves excluded from this broad sweeping statement.


Tis a hangover that only several bottles of claret and goodly slug of rum can produce.

The worst bit is that I know it is coming, I know that I could still avoid it, but I am too fucking stupid to do so


Worse than a “one bottle of port” hangover @cb-saint ??


For me, yep. the only way this could be worse is if find some reason to add several king goblins to the mix. If that happens, it will be more humane to shoot me.


Get your money on 0-2 Everton win.


This thread is more depressing than Pap’s so I’m going for the reverse score over here

1:2 loss



If the reality is truth and it is as we’re shit in comparison to previous seasons and other teams in the League I don’t find it depressing, I find it sad no one questions to why we are worse, what are the reasons and why we are shit scared of even admitting it?

We use words like transition and time and gelling when its all alot simpler than that gash, we’re shitter as we sell our best players.


You do that Baz, and I’ll get a fiver on Saints to win 2-0 and whoever is right buys the first round next time we meet, deal? :lou_smiley:


I’m starting to think that we are shit on this occasion because we DIDN’T sell our best players last summer.

Hear me out… VVD, Bertrand and Romeu have been shadows of their former selves this season. The first two I suspect (or know in VVDs case) don’t give a hoot and don’t want to be there.

Perhaps we SHOULD have sold Tadic two years ago rather than keep him, allow him to peak and then see him grow stale and intolerably useless.

The reason we have improved prior to the last couple of years is perhaps because those players (and managers) were hungrier and more motivated to move up in the world. But this year we put our foot down (and rightly so) and are now enduring the consequences.

Just a thought to look at the flip side. Other than that I agree with you, particularly as we didn’t adequately replace the attributes of Pelle and Mane.


Bertrand and VVD don’t want to be at the club, they’ll be gone soon, why buy players who want to use you as a stepping stone? Buy ready made 28/9 year old journeymen who’ll do a job of staying in the league, Huddersfield have got rid of their academy, what is the point of them? They don’t play anyway, now if there was a quota then of course but why should we be the lab for the bigger clubs?