Sfcsim is the ref

We’re blessed to have all kinds on Sotonians. In addition to being a crafter of cheesecakes and the closest thing Sotonians has to a nomadic bedouin, Sfcsim is also a qualified referee, as he haughtily reminded me this morning.

We’ve also got a lot of piss-taking cards that enjoy posing inane questions.

“Why not merge the two?”, I thought.

Sfcsim is the ref. We ask him questions. My starter for ten.

Q: A penalty is awarded. The keeper tries to put the taker off. The taker pulls a small revolver from his shorts and shoots the keeper in the femur. The penalty is duly scored. Given that there was no physical contact between taker and keeper, and the taker kept at least one foot on the ground, does the goal still stand?

It depends on who is taking the pen. If it is a player from a top 4 side…the goal stands…as we all know. Any other taker from the other teams who make up the numbers in The Premier League will be hung from the oppositions cross-bar (without trial) before the game is restarted with a sporting drop-ball.


It depends - if the revolver had any sort of bling, encrusted diamonds or gold plating, it would be considered to be jewellery and should have been removed before kick off.

And it’s a valid point about where and when this occurred.

If the keeper was playing against Man Utd at Old Trafford for instance he should have been booked for ungentlemanly conduct, and then post-shooting, given a second yellow for timewasting as he attempted to stem the bleeding.

This would have been the reddest of all red cards.


could a player be booked for calling the referee a nincompoop?


Is that Senagalese for ‘asshat’?

You can now be booked for looking at him and thinking he is a nincompoop, unless you have a poker face -

visible signs of dissent.


I think we’re trying to kick that sort of thing out of football…The Nincompoops are a nomadic people of Uttar Pradesh. :lou_facepalm_2:

This is the correct answer for premier league refs yes. Me I pull up the penalty taker for unsporting behavour and award an indirect free kick to the oppo. I would also probably abandon the game and run!

So is unsporting behaviour basically the catch-all bucket for anything no-one can be arsed to clarify?

If so, I find that unsettling, as you would presumably mete out the same punishment if the penalty taker had pulled out, say, a tactical nuclear weapon.

Pulled out anything Pap… :lou_is_a_flirt:

Me and Pap did think that mr Clattenberg was going to take off yesterday, he does not half flap his arms around and for quite a while.


Technically yes… sad state of affairs. Saying this, players tend to swear a lot, but it has to be clearly directed at you for the booking to take place.

On this note, there are far to many grey areas in the rules of football, and this is what causes so many confusions. I hear every week on the radio and to commentators arguing and not agreeing on refereeing decisions after seeing them from about 50,000 different angles!

Something that has always puzzled, not only me but most other football supporters is why the simple act of setting foot on a football pitch, doesn’t carry an automatic Yellow Card for Marouane Fellani?



I can imagine this being analysed on MOTD

Shearer: He’s sent the keeper one way with the tactical nuke, and slotted the ball in the opposite corner of the net, or at least where the net used to be, or if we’re getting specific where manchester used to be. Perfectly good goal ruled out, I know the refs have a hard job, and yes it is gamesmanship Gary, but that goal should have stood.

Lineker: But it’s not something we want to see creeping into the game is it surely? Motty was at the game, what are your thoughts?

Motson: Well Gary you’ll be interested to know that the last time a player implemented a tactical nuclear device in a game between these two teams was back in nineteen-seventythree and the goal stood then, even if the stadium didn’t afterwards *chuckle chuckle*. It makes me think back to that goal in that particular match in derpaderpaderpderp…blahblahblah…etcetc


Oh I would love to see this MOTD!

They had at least one player yesterday who could have been booked in the warm-up for his hairstyle.

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Just got a flashback to going to the football with my dad then! He would turn in his grave over the boots of players, or just the players attitudes in general.

I took my son to buy his first pair of boots the other day. I nearly bought him a pair of yellow ones. Common sense prevailed. Black and two sizes too small. Blisters are a rite of passage.