if two players are going for the ball and they end up in a pile on the floor, is it a foul if one of them farts on the other ones head? If that’s not a foul, would it be a foul if some poo came out?
On a similar note, when Gary linekar shit himself, should he have been booked? No one would want to get close to someone with shit on them so he gained an advantage, particularly as a striker.
Sticking your finger up your bum and then wiping it under the nose of the winger you’re marking is a staple tactic of the Sunday morning fullback.
Another question:
You are refereeing a game between an Italian team and an English team. After a particularly bad challenge, one of the English lads calls an Italian opponent a “paella chomping cunt”.
Which offence takes priority? The profanity, or the geographical inaccuracy of the insult?
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If two players go into a 50/50 challenge, why is it the player who lost the challenge, who is given a free kick. Could a qualified nancy-boy referee please explain to me why it is impossible to contest a 50/50 ball without a foul being committed.
Thanks…nb I am not homophobic, some of my friends are referees.
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We do not make the stupid rules, we enforce them!
How bad is the challenge? Was it through the back, one footed or 2 footed, studs showing, did the player do a little dance before hand, did he run the full length of the pitch, because he was angry that he did not get a free kick for losing the ball. Was the swear word directed at the player or shouted to the sky? Because one of the English team mates could like chomping Paella when on holiday, and this could be his get out. The player himself might like Paella and he could have been shouting at himself, because he was annoyed that he let the 'Italian catch him. Also just because it is an English v Italian team this does not mean that the Italian team player was not English and the English team player Italian.
See, lots of grey areas!
Correct, I would have told him to get himself off to the toilets, the dirty fucker. Only booked once in his career, but shits himself! Let’s start a campaign to get him sacked from MOTD… oh hold on!
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Yes just do not get caught. When I played and ended up converted to a left/right back I can confirm this was a much used tactic. Others were standing on a players foot at a corner, just as he is going to jump to head the ball (At school a goalkeeping friend used to do this on corners when players stood right next to him on corners) and pinching nipples on a cold day.
Wiping your nose on an opponents’ shoulder as you mark him at a corner annoys and confuses in equal measure I seem to recall.
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If you aren’t allowed to follow through with your trailing leg in a tackle then you shouldn’t be allowed to follow through in any sense, therefore a definite foul. Unless you are Jason Puncheon who is of course exempt, because (all together now) he shits when he wants 
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Rojo? Yellow carded but should have been red, no scope for retrospective punishment as the ref saw it and acted upon it, time for this ruling to be changed?
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