Oven. Nope still cant find the right size close enough to our village that we can view and not going on public transport with this #of Covid cases
Sausages. If only. Kielbasa wont do it. Even finding mince pork the right cut is tough
Paxo. No chance
Bisto actually have a jar of their premium beef gravy granules.
Oxo. Stop it. And no local stuff isnt even close.
Christmas Pudding. Well, actually. We have last years left overā¦
Mince Pies. Behave, they are as rare as cream crackers/water biscuits.
Stilton
Port
Nice drop of Chardonnay
So yeah, lockdown/ quarantine utterly screwed us for the pre Xmas run to see kids.
Post stuff/buy online you all cry. Just cost Ā£51 to get some legal documents sent over. Took 6 days by DHL FFS. That is a weekās food bill for 3 of us!
If its not at least 8 birds of different sizes plucked and stuffed, it aint fucking Christmas, just make sure you given them all a decent roasting
See above, if you aint giving your bird a quality stuffing at christmas, you are a twatā¦ for many stuffing their bird at Christmas is an annual event they look forward to!
If you cant coat your birdās breasts in a decent self made sauce at Christmas, when can you?
Christmas is the perfect time to use exotic veg when coating your bird in your sauce
There is never any excuse for coating your birds breasts with your sauce with Aunt Bessie at the table
Custard or rum butter matters not, just make sure you give the pudding a decent coating
Under NO circumstance are children ever involved
It is acceptable to get pissed before you coat your bird with your sauce, if it helps make it more appetising
The only benefit of this virus is that we donāt have to host this year so iām not going to be cooking for the normal dozen or so. I appreciate this may sound harsh, but fuck it, Xmas dinner can be hard graft for a big number and iām looking forward to a year off. I shall be having a lie in, a leisurely breakfast and a merlot infused afternoon, cooking for 4. Ace.
We did a rehearsal for this Christmas last year - after 19 years of having up to 16 for Xmas day - we decided to drop to 5 last year. Bit difficult telling people we werenāt doing Christmas any more, but the relief was huge. It was almost peaceful, and I am not alone in not missing the three horrible dogs that came (not part of the 16 - these were extra!).
So, we are ready and trained for the reduced numbers.
I will rather miss cooking for family this year. We usually have goose but that makes no sense when thereās only 2 of us so I may go with a roast joint of wild boar. If youāve never had it, it is like the best roast pork ever.
Iām sure theyāre all firm favourites locally and eaten all the time, just like the British delicacies such as Jellied eels, Pickled eggs, Spotted Duck or a Bedfordshire Clanger, yes, really, look it upā¦
Edit: was going to correct Spotted Duck, but on second thoughts Iāll leave it
Spotted dick is what usually occurs whenever Iām foolish enough to open a video on my WhatsApp group of what initially appears to be an attractive young lady disrobing.
We do one of those Park Hamper schemes. We save all year and get a lot of financial redemption in the last half of the year. Weāve never got an actual hamper, but we used to almost exclusively get those Love2Shop vouchers, redeemable in nearly all shops that sell non-essential things.
Itās a good job Gingora has diversified the mix this year, as lockdown means that there are very few places that these vouchers can be spent.
We sent the youngest up to Food Warehouse and filled two freezers. Everyoneās doing it apparently.
