Fucking hell. 
Sure pulled pork is the pig version.
“Do these jeans make me look fat?” asked my girlfriend.
“Do you promise not to get mad at me, no matter what I say?” I replied cautiously.
“Yes, absolutely!” she promised.
I said “I slept with your sister.”
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Two Roman Centurions talking.
“Have a guess how many women I’ve slept with?”
“Mmm”
“Don’t be stupid. Not that many.”
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Apologies for this - apparently an ex BBC joke from years back (from a friend who was researching old BBC programmes).
Wife says to her husband - “if you won the lottery, would you still love me?”
Husband replies “Of course I would - but I’d miss you.”
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My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a “GO VEGAN!!” t-shirt for two weeks and see how people react. So far he’s been spat on, sworn at, punched in the face twice, and had a bottle thrown at him.
It’ll be interesting to see what happens to him when he leaves the house.
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Q: Where’s Phillip Schofield?
A: He’s done a runner
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A man goes to his doctor and says he needs Viagra for his sunburn.
Doctor: That won’t help sunburn
Man: Yes it will. it’ll keep the sheets off my legs.
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“Now, here’s something you don’t see every day…”
A phrase rendered obsolete by the advent of WhatsApp.
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Surveys show that the inhabitants of Norfolk enjoy a better sex life than the rest of the UK.
But I suppose it’s all relative.
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Playing snooker with a mate, he asked for the spider.
I said “give it a rest.”
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Why did Keir Starmer cross the road?
Because he’d signed a pledge not to.
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Did you hear about that guy who evaporated?
He’ll be missed…
2023, not a vintage year for comedy 
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Dreadful.
That’s an understatement
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I’m surprised she got fooled by a cheetah at all, tbh.
They’re easily spotted.
I really don’t see the problem with genetically modified food.
I’ve just eaten a lovely leg of salmon.
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What do you call a bloke fucking a fifteen year old girl in Liverpool?
A granny shagger.