Yes, I’m supplying his stocks of rohypnol. 
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As one door closes, another one opens.
That’s all very well, but I’m not buying the car until you fix it.
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When I researched potential franchises to sell rolls and sandwiches from my snack van, they offered me Old Trafford or the Etihad.
I didn’t hesitate. I know which side my bread is bartered.
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Nelson was 5’4" tall. His Trafalgar Square statue is 16’.
That’s Horatio of 3:1.
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As I listened to the cats mewing and dogs barking in the background, I promised myself one thing.
Never again will I buy a cheap Ronco version of a Beach Boys album.
When I die I want my internet search history to be read out at my funeral.
That way, all my friends and family will go from being depressed to disgusted.
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I suspect that if it was printed off it’d spontaneously combust 
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…with a distinct whiff of sulphur 
That’s not to say, thankful too. 
As I sidled unnoticed towards the exit door of the hifi shop with a Bose system hidden under my coat, my elbow brushed a display amplifier. “The Saints Are Coming” blared out at full volume, and security immediately spotted me and pounced.
I’d have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for those pesky Skids.
After the usual perfunctory nightly quickie, my wife rolled onto her side. “I wish I could really feel wanted,” she sighed.
So I got some posters printed.
My doctor recommended me to eat more tomatoes as they’re a good source of lycopene.
I don’t know why he thinks I need a werewolf repellent.
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Don’t get it
Lycopene/Lycanthropy
Lycanthropy = werewolves
Lycopene = antioxidant found in tomatoes
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Bit of a stretch there 
I thought it was rather good.
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