😆 Joke thread. (NSFW)

[Shroppie]

A busload of nuns all die in a car crash. They line up at the Pearly Gates. St Peter says “I’ll let you all in very soon, but just have one question for each of you first”

He asks the first nun, “Have you ever touched a penis?” She replies, “I have to confess, just once with the top of my little finger” St Peter says, “Ok, dip your little finger in this holy water, then you may enter” She does.

St Peter asks the second nun, “Have you ever toiched a penis?” “I confess I held one once in my hand”. “That’s ok” says St Peter. Wash your hand throughly in this holy water, then you may enter" She does

Suddenly there is a commotion further down the line with a nun trying to queue-jump. “Hey, what’s the rush?” asks St Peter.

“Well, if I’m going to have to gargle in that stuff I’m making sure I do it before Sister Mary has to stick her arse in it.”

(Stolen, of course)

[Cobham-Saint]

I sent @scotty the radio version earlier - I’m sure he could post it (I deleted it)

[scotty]

Indeed

[pap]

There seems to be a lot of jobs going at Subways. But none of the rolls are being filled.

[Cobham-Saint]

[Polski_Filip]

[scotty]

Fuck right off.

[Shroppie]

Saw a jester carrying a nun on his shoulders today.

It was virgin on the ridiculous.

[Cobham-Saint]

Was that the radio contribution today?

[Shroppie]

Er, no. Classic FM have a thing called Breakfast Serial. You suggest a linking piece of music and mine got chosen today.

[Cobham-Saint]

What was the suggested link to from what?

[Shroppie]

You really want to know? Each day they play a piece and invite suggestions for a linked piece to play the next day.

Yesterday they played the theme from Superman, by John Williams. I successfully suggested William Walton’s Spitfire Prelude and Fugue as it linked on two levels: William Walton with Williams and Superman with superheroes of Battle of Britain, for whom my suggested piece was written. HTH

[Shroppie]

For what it’s worth, with my love of classical music and logical connections, it amuses me and I’ve had quite a few suggestions played.

[Cobham-Saint]

Or a very small audience

But seriously, fair play.

My claim to fame was I won a couple of heavy metal albums (stamped as media only copies) for writing in to the rock show on Radio Victory (defunct?). Based in PortsArse as I recall. Wrote back in to complain that the promised records weren’t in those I received and got a few more by return - no apology

My other claim to fame is a bit on BBC 4’s Money Box - not too long ago about house building and mortgages. Darling of the milfs in the playground for that one

[Polski_Filip]

Oooh ooh ooh…
Are we doing musical claims to fame now?
Me me me!

Oh wait, classical shit. Hmmm
I done Messiah somewhere near the flat back row when I was about 15 does that count?
I once owned Night at the Opera on Vinyl.
Does that count?

[scotty]

I appeared on the Danny Baker show, with the tale of a job I did at Bingley Hall back in the 80s which turned out to be for Springsteen. Happy days…

[Shroppie]

@Polski_Filip

Does that count?

Absolutely.

[pap]

So a local hairdressers got robbed last night.

Typical right-wingers on Facebook crying scumbag, villain as if these people are free from the socio-economic frameworks we inhabit, born evil day one.

Personally, I blame the cuts.

[Fowllyd]

On the subject of hairdressers…

John Cooper Clarke - Hairdresser Joke

[Cobham-Saint]

An oldie but goodie