Shhh. 
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Probably been done before, but I met a Polish sound engineer yesterday. And I met a Czech one too.
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He was called Mike.
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Get your coat 
Polish girl goes to the doctor with an itch down below. He says “when did you last have a check up?” She says “never, doc. But I’ve had a couple of Hungarians.”
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I met a guy from Prague when I was in London a few years back, I was wearing my retro Rank Xerox Saints shirt and lo and behold he followed Saints too, he said ‘i’d like to buy you a beer’, I said ‘Pardon?’, he said ‘I’D LIKE TO BUY YOU A BEER’, he was a sound Czech.
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From Luke, The Grandson.
What wobbles & flies at the same time?
A Jellycopter
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I’ll add that to the Dad joke file. 
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A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.
“You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.”
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.
“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia.”
“I see,” the captain says ‘and thats all is it?’
Her conscience then got the better of her and she added, “Plus, he’s screwing me.”
“He certainly is,” replied the captain. “This is the Isle of Wight Ferry.”
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From sicki.
Helium addiction is horrible because no one takes your cries for help seriously.
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The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his Deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.
IRS AUDITOR: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, he’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweiser’s every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
IRS AUDITOR: “That’s the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: “That would be me. What would you like to know?"
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If anyone’s interested I’ve got discounted tickets for ZZ Top’s 2022 world tour, there’s a third off.
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Now that wearing masks is optional, I’m taking my cue from the staff of whichever store I’m shopping in. If most of them have masks on I’ll wear one too. If most of them aren’t, I don’t bother.
For example, I was in a massive LIDL superstore this morning. Only one solitary member of staff was wearing a mask.
The other bloke wasn’t wearing one, so neither did I.
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Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. Don’t try telling me that’s a coincidence.
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