From my purveyor of inappropriate material
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The plot of Mission Impossible 7 has been leaked online.
Apparently Tom Cruise’s mission, should he accept it, is to find out what’s on top of his fridge.
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Cows are the deadliest animals in the UK, killing three people on average a year.
Personally I blame the vegans and the vegetarians but they will never admit their missed steaks.
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From my Turkish purveyor of inappropriate material.
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That Hancock is an animal in bed.
I heard he gave her very nearly an armful.
Yep, hung like a Gerbil apparently.
You know this how? 
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Lady Slowlane and I are patrons of the National Gerbil Society
Thought you knew…the message boards have been abuzz with the news over the last two days.
This should also help: http://gerbils.co.uk/gerbil-help/sexing-gerbils/
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I’m now waiting for the inevitable post on sexing humans 
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It used to be so straight forward…now I’m not so sure. 
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Many won’t get the joke but here goes …
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
“We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the bloody R!”
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, “What’s wrong, father?”
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, “The word was …CELEBRATE!”
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Nicked. 
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I did
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Sound ecology, recycling.
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It’s been a strange morning for me.
First I found a hatful of money, then I got chased by some angry bloke with a guitar.
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Best joke of the day that hasn’t been a DM 
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