Any more bad puns and ice cream…
Improved for you, no charge 
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My joke was aimed at intelligent people, not the sort of morons born on the penultimate day of March.
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Rolf Harris will be most upset.
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Tuesday chuckle:
After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo,
(and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your seat so we can leave?’
‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at the Vatican-----When I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today.’
‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! ----What if something should happen?’ protests the driver, wishing he’d Never gone to work that morning…
‘Who’s going to tell?’ says the Pope with a smile. -LOL
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.
The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport,
The Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 km’s… (Remember, the Pope is German…)
‘Please slow down, Your Holiness!’ pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
‘Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license – and my job!’ moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches,
But the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
‘I need to talk to the Chief,’ he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 205 kph. – ‘So bust him,’ says the Chief.
‘I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,’ said the cop. – The Chief exclaimed,’ All the more reason!’
‘No, I mean really important,’ said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, ‘Who do you have there, the mayor?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
Chief: ’ A senator?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
Chief: ‘The Prime Minister?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
‘Well,’ said the Chief, ‘who is it?’
Cop: ‘I think it’s God!’
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious,
'What makes you think it’s GOD
Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!’
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I bet his 90th birthday was less well attended than his 80th.
Tuesday chuckle on a Wednesday? Which admin allowed this?
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It’s an old joke
We’ll just have to see you next Tuesday.
Thursday chuckle.
On Friday
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, “That’s okay.”
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned 
her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to”.
The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.”
The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.
Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.
Moral of the story: Women think they’re really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
Note: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen.
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An Essex girl is crossing the road, when she gets hit by an XR3i.
As she is lying on the ground, the driver, Dave, rushes out of the car to see if she is alright.
“I’m so sorry luv! I just didn’t see ya. Are ya OK?” he blurts out.
“Everyfink is justa blur, I can’t see a fing” she says, tearfully.
Concerned, the man leans over the woman to test her eyesight.
He asks, “How many fingers have I got up?”
“Ah f**kin 'ell NO!” she screams. “Don’t tell me I’m paralyzed from the waist down an all!!!”
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The 80s called, they want their joke back.
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Pilfered.
My mate says I’m getting fat. In my defence, I’ve had a lot on my plate recently.
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“Your mother and I are ashamed of you,” said my father. “Discovering our only son goes out dogging…”
“Why pick on me?” I protested. “There were loads of other blokes watching you through your car windows.”
He said “you were the only one begging to join in.”
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It’s a little known fact that John Lennon was a lifelong campaigner for exorcism.
Comment below this gag over on sicki…
"Well, he was always saying ‘give priests a chance’ " 
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The bit between the front and back doors at Nando’s is called the Peri-Peri-neum.
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